Zombie Networking

Zombie Networking
By: Blue Rose

Imagine, if you can, the most advanced, dominating army of all of human history.

Picture 400 million people, from literally every demographic, background, and tax-bracket, all suiting-up to do battle, just to further extend their empire. Imagine that, at the hands of these mercenaries, are 160 million different weapons at their disposal.

Needless to say, with these appalling numbers at their beck and call, one could accomplish literally any conquest they had the desire to undertake. All it would take would be one visionary, one master general, one devil so vile, that it could encompass such a wide variety of people, and drag them into its army....

....And that devil is named FaceBook.

That's right, with over 400 Million users, and 160 million interactive pages, groups, and applications, FaceBook is taking over the lives of people all around the world, and, with 30% of its total users right here in the U.S., we are the most at risk.

The time has come to stand-up and fight! Brandish your s-words, and cut off the limbs of the giant beast that is this devilish form of social networking.

There is a time and a place for Networking. It is extremely helpful in the job market, it's a great way to stay in-touch with old friends, and it can be a great way to promote yourself (*cough cough*), but this silliness has gone on too long!

If i never get another request to join "Farmville" it will be too soon, if I ever see an invitation to play "Mafia Wars" again I'll rip my eyes out, and, for the love of God, if I ever hear the word "Super Poke" again, I will super-poke myself in the forehead with a bullet.*

When did FaceBook shift from being an educated exchange of ideas, to an annoying offspring of an online version of a children's carnival, and that Highschool popularity contest you lost?

What the world needs is a professional, official networking site. Countless people are running into problems with their jobs, personal lives, and relationships that never would have happpened had they not been seduced into posting something STUPID on Facebook.

Applicant.com, in their article "How To Lose A Job Via FaceBook In 140 Characters Or Less" tells just one of many stories of people losing their jobs based on incriminating evidence posted on their FaceBook.

Anytime you publish something on FaceBook, it is there for the world to see, forever. That time your friend tagged you in a picture drinking at a Highschool party? yup your boss can see that. The time you got really mad and posted the F-word 50 times in your status? Yup, your future employers can check that too.

If you've fallen victim to this nature of FaceBook habit, you can already pretty much forget ever being a politician, or childcare worker, but there is hope. Call for social networking reform. Create an outcry for an alternative means so loud, webmasters won't be able to ignore the call.

Then maybe, one day, we will be able to social network in an environment that reminds us of what it is truly about, not one that harasses us into affiliating ourselves with useless applications and unprofessional representations.

- Blue Rose

*We here at S-words to not condone suicide, but we are in fact invincible. So don't take it too seriously when we threaten to shoot ourselves, as it has MUCH less adverse effects on us as compared to simple mortals.

Because I'm Roger Ebert

by: Reach for the Sky

Here is Roger Ebert's review of Kick-Ass. Don't read it if you haven't seen the movie, because it wantonly displays massive spoilers. Here's the jist of it: Ebert doesn't like it because an 11-year-old girl kills people. He's doesn't think its funny because child violence exists, and that somehow makes the entire movie awful and horrible. 

"This movie regards human beings like video-game targets. Kill one, and you score. They're dead, you win. When kids in the age range of this movie's home video audience are shooting one another every day in America, that kind of stops being funny."

Did I trip and land in an alternate dimension where a movie's quality is determined by how just fluffy and lovely it is? For one, the fact that it is a comedy does not mean that every scene is intentionally funny. I'll admit, the trailer was very misleading about its promises of comic violence and slapstick, when in fact the movie is quite dark and bloody. But lets remember that movies where people get boo-boos and go to white-cloud-land have a helpful little sticker that tells you whether kids should see it or not. As for the little serial killer girl, (slight spoiler) the point was that she sort of skipped her childhood, thus being forced into a more mature role. Offensive nature aside, he completely overlooked the actual quality of the movie so he could go on his soap-box about teen violence. Which is annoying.

This isn't the first time Ebert's opinions have been hotly contested. Here are a few movies many people, possibly yourself, would disagree with him on.

Knowing, for which he gives far too much credit for the imaginary implications he pulled from it.

Lightning Thief, If you haven't seen this, trust me when I say that any review of this movie that isn't absolutely scathing is immensely charitable. I you have seen it, you already know this.

District 9, who's praises he didn't sing to the heavens, which means he's the devil incarnate he doesn't know a god thing when he sees it. That was not a typo.

In short, this guy is incredibly famous, for reasons I can not comprehend. He is just a reviewer, who makes mistakes and falls for the same poetic crap that nets Oscar-bait its Academy Awards. There is no reason there should be a book called Roger Ebert's Four Star Reviews 1967-2007, or at least there's no more reason than for there to be a book called Reach's Four Star Bathroom Breaks 1967-2007.

S-Words Goes On The Road!!

S-Words On The Road
By: Blue Rose

- 50th Article -

We here at S-Words just want to say thank you to all our fans out there for supporting us as your one-stop-shop for entertainment and political news. We've really enjoyed writing for you guys, and look forward to some very exciting things in the future.

Don't worry, we're not adding a third author. That's just a friend.

- The Trip -

In honor of Reach For The Sky's birthday, the S-Words staff decided to hop in the SUV, and make our way to Little Rock, Arkansas to see one of our favorite stand-up comedians, Gabriel Iglesias.

For those of you who aren't aware of Iglesias, he is an up-and-coming comic in the stand-up world, and is the author of two Comedy Central specials entitled "Hot and Fluffy", and "I'm Not Fat, I'm Fluffy".

- The Peabody -

Our excursion to the bustling city of Little Rock started with a check-in at one of the finest hotels we here at S-Words have ever shad the pleasure of staying in, "The Peabody".



The hotel featured a live duck pond, an extravagant Italian steak house, and a 3 bedroom suite that made for a perfect central-command for the S-Words writing staff.

- The Show -

After a great dinner, and a quick trip to will call, we were seated in the convention center waiting for our entertainment to begin.

- Martin Moreno -

The first comedian, Martin Moreno, was entertaining enough. His comedy entails mostly racial commentary, and stories of him and his friends getting wasted.



Almost all the way through Martin's act, something magical happened...

- Shaun Latham -

Instant seat upgrade to the front row for the s-words posse!

The second comedian, Shaun Latham, was a definite improvement from Martin. His comedy, slightly more sophisticated, centered around his experiences and struggles trying to pick-up women, as apparent by his catch-phrase, "That's Player S***". Despite his slightly abrasive nature, Latham pretty much mopped the stage with Moreno.

- Alfred Robles -

As Latham exited the stage, Alfred Robles entered. Honestly, I don't remember much of what he said. His comedy was somewhat forgettable, but from what I remember, it entailed more of the same alcoholic humor.

- Noe Gonzales -

Then came the last, and arguably the best of the warm-up comics, Noe Gonzales. The obligatory short-man, Gonzales' portion was a much more physically-centered comedy. To illustrate his points, Noe constantly traveled around the stage, flailing around his comical hand-gestures to entertain the crowd. Gonzales was the perfect hype-man for Iglesias to follow, but something interrupted the normal flow of these kind of shows.

- The Swaggar Push -

"We Have Your Sizes, Up to 6XL!"

Gonzales stayed on the stage as Martin Moreno reappeared. What followed was a 20minute segment, in which the two pushed every piece of merchandise sold at the event. The lights were raised so we could see the products, and the two babbled on about "this product" and "that tee-shirt" ad nauseam.

- Gabriel Iglesias -

After that painful encounter, the moment we had been waiting for arrived. The crowd could not be calmed as Iglesias took the stage, and began his amazing act. His comedy ranged from hilarious commentary on society, to an amazing command of vocal sound-effects, and just a few impressions mixed in for flavor.



As if his normal act wasn't enough, Iglesias, at the end of his act, started interacting with the crowd. About 13 Minutes after his act was over, Gabriel informed the crowd he was over time, but that he was "having a good time" and didn't want to leave. As he asked the crowd if they wanted him to continue, there was an uproar so loud, it would've taken at least 600 Spartans to rival.



Iglesias did everything from improving about the theatre, the town, even random comments from the crowd, to old material via request by the crowd.



Iglesias more than exceeded expectations, and was definitely worth the trek. From his command of almost every aspect of stand-up comedy, to his friendly, laid-back relationship with the crowd, Iglesias provided a great entertainment for us, and a fantastic way to celebrate both Reach's birthday, and 50 articles here at S-Words.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

- Blue Rose

Nic Cage Bankruptcy

Nic Cage Bankruptcy
By: Blue Rose

Well, the recession is in full swing as evident by Nic Cage's filing for bankruptcy recently.

With the stock market in the condition it is in, and the volatility of economic conditions, the star of such excellent films as "The Wicker Man", "G-Force", and "Ghost Rider" has officially filed bankruptcy.



The star claims that his manager Samuel Levin "lead him down a path to financial ruin".

Sure, Cage grossed nearly $3.9 BILLION over his movie career, and yeah, maybe he owned 3 castles, over 50 sports cars, 2 islands in the Bahamas, and a partridge in a pear tree, but Cage put A LOT of his money in investments. Such as the $276,000 "dinosaur skull" he recently purchased.

Luckily for Cage, the Hollywood community is always willing to pitch-in. Depp, who feels he owes his career to cage, agreed to help out his long-time friend in any financial way he needs. Depp got his first Hollywood roll in "A Nightmare On Elmstreet" when Cage recommended him to his manager, and Depp plans on repaying the favor now that he is in a position to help his friend out.

Now, as always, I know what you're thinking. And before you tear poor Nic apart, consider all the entertainment he's given us. I mean, I know he blew hundreds of millions of dollars on frivolous things, but that is clearly his manager's fault. I mean, can you really hate this face?


- Blue Rose

Splinter Cell Conviction

Splinter Cell Conviction By: Blue Rose

The Splinter Cell series isn't exactly one that took the world by storm, but since it's a Tom Clancy game, were are required by law to review it.

The game is great, but it's apparent why it isn't as popular as some of the more main stream games out there. With only a shallow delve into the multi-player modes, I felt very unimpressed. the mode we played was extremely frustrating at times, and frankly got boring after about 30min, and it seems these days that without a never ending, hopelessly addictive multi-player mode these days, your game is doomed.

While the game lacks in multi-player game modes, it exceeds in Co-op story mode. While the single player story mode is compelling in and of itself, Clancy Games was genius enough to actually have written a completely different campaign for the co-op story mode. There was no end to the pleasure of tag-teaming against terrorists by virtue of jumping down from the ceiling and snapping their necks.

The game is centered around stealth, but, for me and Reach at least, we found a mode we so cleverly entitled "Screw It" mode to be MUCH more entertaining. The mode involves turning the difficulty setting on so low, a slightly-challenged 3rd grader could handle it, and running into rooms, guns a-blazing, spraying the enemies with bullets until they had more holes than your average wheel of Swiss cheese.



The only other major problem with the game, is graphic design. In Splinter Cell, the screen goes black-and-white to show when you are in the shadows, and therefore invisible to enemies. This is pretty annoying because even when you're looking in the light, everything looks like shadows to you. Since the game is based around stealth, you spend a hefty majority in the dark. It gets old playing such an expensive video game set in 1940s graphics, but the gameplay makes it entertaining enough.

The game overall is very entertaining, and served to successfully eat-up a Saturday, but if you're not passionate about Tom Clancy (which obviously everyone is), I don't recommend running-out and purchasing this game. If you happen to have a means to rent it, or have the patience to wait until the price goes down, definitely grab a friend and play through some of this game.

- Blue Rose

Arizona To Enforce New Immigration Law

By: Reach For The Sky

http:www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/04/23/obama.immigration/index.html

A bill was passed Friday that requires Arizona police to determine whether a person is a legal citizen or not. It requires immigrants to carry the appropriate papers, and targets those who knowingly employ illegal labor. Some call this problematic, as "suspected of being an illegal alien" is seen as a thinly-veiled cover for "Hispanic". While there are other ways to tell if a person is here illegally, the most prominent, and easily-identifiable is obviously skin color. You'll never be able to train an officer well enough to assure a liberal that they are not profiling, and there will be cases when an officer's prejudice will rise above his training. I don't know what to say about these people, except to just get over it.


For one thing, the worst that can happen to a legal citizen is that they get checked, they don't have their papers, and they are detained until their citizenship is proven. It is not dissimiliar to the protocols behind driving. If a police officer pulls someone over, the first thing they check for is their license. If the driver doesn't have one, he must face the consequences. This situation is avoided simply by bringing your drivers license with you wherever you go. Why then, are people suddenly screaming "Police State!" now that immigrants are required to carry proof of their citizenship?

Illegal immigration is a probelm that has to be faced. To say nothing of its economic impact, illegal immigration is an insult to those who have come here legally. It unnaturally alters the labor market. Illegal aliens are like the moochers in college dorms, always taking the social security, medicare, and medicaid from the fridge, mysteriously absent when the pizza guy is collecting payment.

I suppose we'll see soon whether this will trigger racial profiling or turn Arizona into a police state. I doubt it will cause either with the right training, but I've been wrong before.

EDIT: Just so we're clear, I do not, in any way, approve of racial profiling. The bill explicitly prohibits racial profiling, but I do understand that that isn't something that is easily enforced. If this does lead to profiling, then of course its terrible, horrible, etc. thing, but to suddenly scream RAAAAAACIIIIISM before the bill has a chance to have any impact is unfair. Here's patiently waiting for the results of the healthcare bill, would appreciate if liberals would do the same. To be honest, the whole birth certificate thing is quite excessive.

Devil Most Vile

By: Reach for the Sky

the DMV. My oh my, the DMV. Another year, another renewal. Another trip through hell and back. This a rant, plain and simple. Try not to hold anything I say against me. I did, after all, just get back from the DMV.

A long time a go, there was a show called Mega XLR, which was a parody of the all the giant-robot anime, about a red-neck who got a hold of his own walking weapons platform. I didn't watch too many episodes, as I found it around the time I was growing out of cartoons*. One episode stuck with me, however, in which the protagonist's giant robot is impounded, and in order to get it back he must get his license renewed at the DMV. I thought it was funny at the time, watching the character moan and groan through the ordeal. Now I know that there was no exaggeration, no caricature. In fact, the DMV is so awful, so completely cemented in its beuracracy, the show couldn't capture it. I won't be able to capture it in the words that follow. Just know that the DMV is so bad, everything bad about it should be multiplied by 10, to keep the rage to scale.

So I'm at the DMV. I've just arrived, three people working, about ten in line. Score. I have everything I need, renewal application, VOE, social security number, etc. Just a wait in the main line. So I wait. In a couple of minutes, one of the workers finishes with a customer**. And immediately goes on break. No movement in the line yet. Soon another woman comes to take her place, finally taking a customer out of the line. The other two workers are slooooooooowly servicing customers. After helping one customer, the replacement woman leaves for the day. Nobody takes her place for the rest of my visit. The other two work at a snails pace. Twice someone simply walks up to them, skipping the line. I begin to wonder if there's some VIP pass available. One customer only speaks Spanish, practically the universal second-language for employees in Texas. The man receiving him clearly understands very little, and speaks even less. This slows progress down to a crawl. Twenty-five minutes in, 5 customers down. The line has filled up behind me.

All this time, there are at least three employees just sort of wandering around. Whenever one of them decides to (pretend to) do work, he seems to go the extra mile in making sure it takes him five times as long as it should. The one's working the desk seem to be working in bullet-time now. There's a woman behind me with her baby. She should have brought his document, he'll be sixteen by the time she gets her turn. I look at my SS card and realize I'll probably collect my first payment before I get through this. I try to pass time by thinking of the things I could do while waiting, like memorizing the dictionary or something. I find that a few people I though were coming in pairs were actually alone, and the line would take longer than I had thought at first. My stomach kindly reminds me that I haven't eaten lunch yet.

This goes for about thirty more minutes. Finally its my turn and I get to find out what's been taking up so much time. For one thing, a minute didn't pass without the worker having to talk on the phone. Just from her side of the conversation, I'm pretty sure she was getting calls from the local Lobotomy Recipient Clinic. She need many, many things from me. My old drivers license, my proof of insurance, my VOE, my social security number, my application, my dad's drivers license number, my signature (thrice), my fingerprints, my picture, a blood sample, a sacrificial lamb, an activation key, proof of membership to the Illuminati, my dog, an original Van Gogh, and the promise of my first-born child if I could not guess the workers name. After all this I receive my temporary license, and stagger out of the DMV. I'm blinded initially, as its the first gleam of sunlight I've seen in years. I level up. I learn FIRE SPIN.

*I was a late-bloomer when it came to cartoon-watching

**Maybe not the best term.  The service here does not approach the level of even the greasiest of gas-stations.

A Brave New Sexual World

---------------------------------- Discaimer ------------------------------------

This Post contains content that may be offensive to some, as it deals with a very controversial topic, please use discretion.

A Brave New Sexual World
By: Blue Rose

"And that," put in the Director sententiously, "that is the secret of happiness and virtue-liking what you've got to do. All conditioning aims at that: making people like their inescapable social destiny."
- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World, Ch. 1

A foolish man would argue that, in recent times, there hasn't been a focus on more "in-depth" sexual education. And, according to information from the Guttmacher institute, pregnancies among teens, after a decline in the 90's, has slowly been on a rise that will reach a plateau in the United States in the next couple of years.

So why? Why is comprehensive sex education not acting to decline the rate of teen pregnancies among Americans?

When I was 14, our science teacher decided to being class one day with an experiment. We walked outside, and found, on the ground, 2 liter bottles and a few chemicals. Without getting into the technical information about the idea, the idea was that, by virtue of mixing a few chemicals together, we would create hydrogen in the 2 liter bottle.

Well we began to pour the chemicals in the bottles until they slowly filled with a murky, greyish cloud. When we had all finished, our teacher told us to line up our bottles facing an open field, and did something that surprised the teen hormones out of me.

She crouched down to the first bottle, which was hers, unscrewed the cap, and held a lighter up to the opening. What happened subsequently was the hydrogen caught flame, and blasted the projectile two-liter bottle like a missile.*

Now, I would like to say, after watching the rest of the bottles soar off, that I used this information a she intended; to learn about how volatile chemicals are, and use this in my science class to better understand concepts....but I was a 14-year-old boy, and I don't think I need to explain what I did with this information, but let's just say there are many Barbie dolls who have something VERY in-common with the Challenger crew.**

It was information much too powerful for me to NOT abuse as an adolescent. And it's for this very same reason kids can't learn the graphic, detailed level of sex we expose them to, without exposing themselves to danger.

Now, I don't think I need to re-express how I know what you're thinking: Rose, Rose, Rose, today's youth are different. They're responsible, older, and more mature. Plus, it's not like we're SHOWING them how to have sex, that would be crazy!

Well meet Planned Parenthood!


In their book "It's Perfectly Normal", Planned Parenthood includes graphic cartoons of teens having sex. Given the level of snickering me and my fellow classmates did at our much, much, MUCH more scaled down sex. ed. pamphlet, I can only imagine what today's teen do with this piece of literature, but luckily, I don't have to:

because they market it to ten-year-olds.

That's right, "It's Perfectly Normal" isn't actually for teens, Planned Parenthood gives it out as part of their curriculum for pre-teens, even 10-year-olds, giving them a detailed image of how to have sex with each other.

"Concerned Citizens of South Texas" has dedicated several studies to Planned Parenthood's methods in their area, and some of the information is staggering.

Just in case there are any of you who don't think 10 is too young to be seeing graphic pictures of sex, Planned Parenthood went ahead and starting their program in kindergarten.

The "Outercourse" program by Planned Parenthood begins as early as kindergarten (4 and 5-year-olds), and details non-vaginal sex like anal, oral, and even cyber sexual activities as viable means to prevent pregnancy.

Planned Parenthood's promotion of "Technical Virginity" starts a slippery slope for teens who aren't mature enough to take so much information about sex, and not abuse it. It even promotes "Phone Sex" as a great way to help teens from not going "all the way". Not only is this condoned perversion, but it is a criminal offense in many cases. Sending inappropriate pictures, or "sexting" is actually a criminal offense when either of the two parties sending media is a minor, as it is distribution of child pornography.

Planned Parenthood, and programs of the like, were started under the belief that comprehensive sex education would be more effective at preventing teen pregnancy. Yet, as the years role on, more and more teens are becoming pregnant.

So what, is there no hope? Are we all doomed to be pregnant, disease ridden teens?

Well, in her article "Proof That Abstinence Education Does Work" Jane Olson details how abstinence education in the 2000s actually helped teens both prevent pregnancy, and excell academically.

To be fair, Planned Parenthood does address abstinence education in an article called "What Are Abstinence-Only Programs and Why Don't They Work?" and their answer to why these programs don't work was really good.....oh, wait, they didn't actually list one.

Whether you believe in abstinence or not, its education is clearly more effective. Teens are going to have sex, it will happen, but if we don't focus, especially at a young age, on teaching kids the benefits of abstinence, they're going to have more and more sex, until they slip-up, and make a devistating decision.

Teens are not responsible enough to handle birth control correctly, in most cases. This is why, despite more effective contraception, more readily available contraception, and even easier to use contraception, teens are being impregnated at a higher and higher rate.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

- Blue Rose

P.S. before you flood the comment section with what I can only predict will be either "your mom" jokes, or comments about rumors of my own sexual behavior, this isn't about either of those things. It's about sweeping reform in the world of sexual education, not any one person's history or past.

*not so much like a missile, as actually a hydrogen missile.
** too soon?

Trailer Trash

By: Reach for the Sky

I really hate movie trailers. They seem to completely disregard the context of the movie. The people who edit these have one thing in mind: sell the movie. This may mean spoiling crucial plot points, throwing out (and subsequently ruining) the film's best jokes, or completely misrepresenting the movie in question. Never mind that this may harm movie sales in the long run, we need to make sure the audience knows every detail of the plot three months before it comes out.

I don't know how many romantic subplots have been spoiled by those sleazy sex/make-out teasers they throw in trailers to let the audience know that, yes, there will be skin-rubbing at some point in this film*. Many times the audience will know what characters will survive certain situations because there are scenes in the trailer that haven't been shown in the film yet. Is there really any need to show the content of the last 45 minutes of the movie at all? Notice how little anyone actually knows about Inception based on the trailer? Notice how everyone wants to see Inception?

Here is a link to the most popular trailer of Inglourious Basterds. Now the movie was great, but the trailer gives a completely wrong impression of the movie. One character that was omitted from that trailer is Shosanna, which is odd considering half the movie is dedicated to her story. This was clearly an act to fool action fans into thinking it was all about the soldiers and their antics (Which, in my opinion, would have made the movie much better). The trailer for The Book of Eli gave the impression that it was going to be a dumbed down action flick, when in fact it had an interesting story filled with biblical parallels (Interestingly enough, Legion had the opposite problem, but I don't blame them for not wanting to honestly represent it.)

Trailers are supposed to be a form of advertising, but you can hype a movie without giving away hug portions of the plot or spoiling the best parts. District 9 did this well and Inception is doing it now. Also, I hate it when people look at a trailer in a theater, lean over to me and tell me "That's going to be a good movie," Thanks Nostradamus, but I think I'll follow my instincts.

*Quite frankly, we already know this about every movie that came out or will come out after 2005.

Edit: Reach: Take a good look at that pic up there, I worked hard on it (for five minutes)

My Day

My Day
By: Blue Rose

My day was alright. I woke up, ate some cookie crisp, and watched some Mid-day T.V. Sit Coms. As i sat in my plaid PJs, Laptop on my legs engaged in a social networking site, I began to think about something. That something made me think about something else, then something else, then something else yet again.

Now, I'm sure you dedicated fans are thinking Oh my gosh Rose, are you REALLY going to bore us by becoming one of those blogs that is just a bunch of personal posts?

The Answer is, of course, no.

We will in fact be continuing with our weekly political update; I just chose to mirror the current political mentality I believe to be invading the global community these days. I call it:


Recently the United States and Russia signed a treaty slightly limiting the nuclear arms each nation would hold. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for de-escalation of violence, but my question is, Why Now?

We haven't really had serious discussion on nuclear arms limitation with Russia in nearly two decades, and we definitely have some pretty big things going on politically over here*, so why are we suddenly hopping on a flight to Prague? I mean, did we honestly change anything? Both countries still posses significant firepower sufficient enough to destroy the world, so why?

The only conclusion I can draw; the only prognosis I can offer-up; is LOH Syndrome.

Like many other major diseases, no one is quite sure where LOHS finds its origins, but the most likely definition entails a story of a man going on a trip to Africa, and getting a little too friendly with some of the natural wildlife. **

Usually the sufferers of LOHS fall into three career paths. They either use their powers for good, and become entertainers like magicians who are trained in slight-of -hand, use their power for evil, and become thieves and robbers who prey on people's ignorance through distraction, or use their powers for SUPER evil, and become politicians.

Politicians, usually the most ambitious of the three categories, are definitely the most dangerous. Smart***, witty, and gifted in persuasion, these LOHS abusers are masters at distracting you from the actual problem through a massive cornucopia of methods including rhetoric, PR stunts, deceptive foolishness, and long-winded, random speeches about all the "great things" they're doing.

Now, I'm not accusing President Obama of abusing LOHS, (yes I am) but you have to admit it is a little strange that he would be expending so much energy and time on something that could easily be put-off while he is dealing with so much political Crisis back home.

- Blue Rose

* Like the bill revoking Justin Bieber's Y chromosome
** Or am I confusing that with something else?

*** .....it's too easy of a joke, I'll just let you fill in the blank

Reach's Note: "Hey look over here at the Tea Party!" seems to be a very popular symptom these days.

Cool Story Bro

By Reach for the Sky

Despite the fact that the industry continues to churn out generic shooters by the bushel, I still like to think of games as an art form. Creating a game does, after all, require a level of creativity and skill not found an any random pedestrian. Even if I was suddenly infused with the technical capabilities of the world's greatest programmers and graphic designers, I wouldn't be able to crank out an award winner. without any creative touch or artistic expression, all I would be generating is a tech demo with no soul.

This is fairly evident in the games I've been playing recently. God of War 3 is incredibly fun in terms of gameplay, but I think what really separates it from its various imitators is its impressive presentation. It might seem strange to call a game that has you ripping people in half "artistic", but the art is there. The Chimera that had its snake-tail cut off had to be animated*. The characters getting their heads ripped off had to be voiced. The buildings being decimated had to be modeled. All details were added to convey a message, right down the pitch of the screams of the hapless enemy soldiers. Even the story was written well enough, I've certainly seen worse (and more successful) in the movie industry.

Splinter Cell: Conviction is very story-oriented**. It has all the pacing and intensity of any political thriller, particularly reminiscent of the Bourne movies. The game was fun enough, but the story captured my attention and held it to the end, a very rare feat of modern games (I'm usually either lost or apathetic half-way through. see: Halo, Gears of War, Call of Duty, etc.) The voice acting is pretty much the best I've heard since Half-Life 2.

MAG, on the other hand, has no story outside of "three military factions don't like each other". There's no single-player at all, which I find to be a massive weakness in gaming. CoD: Modern Warfare wasn't exactly Citizen Kane, but at least it tried with an interesting story (to its credit, it held me to the end, but for alternative reasons.) MAG makes no attempt. Here are some people we don't like. Use gun and bullets on them. It got old fast, and it didn't help that the gameplay wasn't exactly an attention grabber.

I understand, however, the need for objective scale. You can't take my word on everything after all. Here's a graph representing some rough sales figures of the three games. Keep in mind I have over 27 weeks of AP Stats experience, so you can be assured that it is completely credible.

*The Chimera, by the way, was not exactly designed to be a viable monster for movies and video games, but Santa Monica did a great job with it, easily the best design I've seen.

**Storiented?

Roses Note: How can one talk of Shooters without mentioning Command and Conquer Renegade?

EDIT: Reach: That reminds me of something. There's one point in God of War when Kratos is knocked off his feet and drops all of his weapons Metroid-style. They're splayed out in front of him, his massive cestus,his longbow, his human head/flashlight, and about a solid kilometer of chain-type weapons. It's actually quite funny to see all the tools that he supposedly keeps under his loincloth when not in use.

What Airlines Are About To Do To You

What Airlines Are About To Do To You
By: Blue Rose

Recently there has been a lot of talk about new charges at airlines.

As Stephan Colbert stated, airlines are performing a new level of "wallet sodomy" on their customers.

Here's a sneak-peak at how airlines will be screwing you over on future flights.

Now Boarding

1. Carry-On Bag Charges



Oh, that's right. You thought you were sneaky packing all your clothes in that Carry-on so you didn't have to pay the checked-bag charge, but think again! We gotcha!

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/travel/2010-04-13-airlinefees13_ST_N.htm

See that? $45. That's right, you're paying them for the right to transport your own luggage instead of making the airline workers do it.

You want to watch movies on your laptop on the plane ride? $45. You want a bag of snacks for that 12-hour flight? $45. Want to have a bag full of clean diapers and pacifiers for your young child 30,000 feet in the air? Forty-Five Freaking Dollars.

Now I know what you're thinking (insert clever psychic comment), Why Rose? How are they justifying it? And here's the answer: they aren't. They're just jerks.

2. Heavy Cargo

Between 1960 and 2002 the average American weight has increased by 25 pounds. Recently, United airlines decided to add an extra charge for passengers who are considered "obese"

Since 1/3 of Americans are categorized as "Obese", Rebecca Puhl of Yale University posed the question, "Given that about 34 percent of Americans are obese, why not make one-third of the seats larger?"

Seems logical, but why would we throw logic into it?

3. Potty Penance


Oh, I definitely know what you're thinking on this one, Oh Rose, you're just doing that thing again where you make-up some amplified scenario in-order to parody the paranoia about a problem, but let me assure you, this story is completely legitimate

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4861505/Ryanair-may-charge-1-for-toilet-use.html

That's right sports-fans, if you want to use the bathroom on a Ryanair flight, and don't have spare change in your pocket, you better break out the barf-bag stowed in the seat in front of you, and hope that your neighbors aren't squeamish.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there's a fun look at how visiting your relatives in Vancouver next summer is going to SUCK.
So try and take as many flights as soon as you can, and take advantage of the free-toilet while you still can.

- Blue Rose

Piracy: the Other Ethical side

By:Reach for the Sky

"if CDs do become damaged, replacements are readily available at affordable prices"

-RIAA

Well isn't that just so nice of them?

Alright, here's some context. The RIAA is insisting that a user who has purchased a CD may not legally rip the songs to his or her computer, or make any kind of backups available for that matter¹. Don't worry though, because if your only copy of the CD is damaged or lost, they'll be more than happy to sell you a new one. Keep in mind the means you can't put that music on your mp3 player or any other device that doesn't have a CD drive.

Let's hold of on ethics for a moment, and walk on over to the economic side of this whole thing. Preventing people from making backups of music, or any software, would not stop a single pirate. It's like a pirate version of Rule 34: if it exists, it IS available on a P2P site. Often a song or movie will end up on the internet before the legal version arrives on the market, and it's never more than a minute or so behind the legal release. In other words, every song, every game, every movie, every piece of software can and will be pilfered online, so I have to ask...

what on earth are these people hoping to accomplish by treating their paying customers like this? Do they want them to resort to DRM free pirated versions out of annoyance?

Back to ethics. Lets first look at some of the witch-hunter's anti-piracy measures. 2K games and Electronic Arts have gotten into the habit of installing SecuROM, a borderline rootkit peice of software. Users are kept in the dark about the functions and reasons for SecuROM, and if a user chooses to uninstall a game that uses it, SecuROM does not go with it. This is ethically despicable and I can't believe people are willing to buy games that come with this sort of thing attached. It should be noted that pirated versions of the games in question are SecuROM free. I'm no economist, but I doubt you're helping your sales by making the pirated version of software a more convenient product.

The RIAA is so completely evil I can't even write about them without breaking glass objects. Here is everything you need to know about them. They're like the industrial version of the McDonalds coffee lady, throwing around frivolous lawsuits by the thousands. Aaaaaaand there goes my bathroom mirror. I think you get the idea.

I do feel for the producers of software, its a brutal market. 2D Boy had their awesome game World of Goo* pirated to oblivion². But the people who are the most vehement about piracy aren't the small indie developers like 2D boy, but giants like Microsoft and EA, and they aren't helping the issue by extorting their customers and crippling their products with these crazy restrictions.

Rose's Note: but EA created Command and Conquer......how can they do anything evil?

¹http://arstechnica.com/old/content/2006/02/6190.ars

²http://arstechnica.com/gaming/news/2008/11/acrying-shame-world-of-goo-piracy-rate-near-90.ars

*Demo available. Go.

Does Anyone Else Think Ellen Degeneres Looks Like A Monkey?

Does Anyone Else Think Ellen Degeneres Looks Like A Monkey?
By: Blue Rose

"Why yes, this microphone does make me seem nonchalant"

Oh you guessed it. Having bashed nearly everything else that appeals to the popular market out there, it's time to take down American Idol.*

After all the threatening letters, and sunglasses-wielding agents knocking at my door, I've decided to give Google a break, and to rip on Coca Cola for a week.

Always the front-runner in the competitive world of sponsorship, Coca Cola pretty much struck gold with their investment in American Idol. The show has become a major staple in the pop-culture world via a staggering 30 Million viewers a week.**

Only big corporate politics could manufacture the evil contract American Idol forces you to sign your soul to if you happen to have any scrap of talent.***

The studio that produces all of the 24 semifinalists from the show is called "19 Entertainment". A company that Simon Fuller (American Idol's creator) has a stake so large in, he comes away with almost HALF of the money profited through the show's artists. ¹

Think about that. He gets HALF of the sheer profit. The record sales, the T.V. performances, concert tickets, everything.

The show is a gravy-pumping machine****, and they are dang efficient at it too.

According to local Radio Host "Kid Cratic", Simon Cowell is the highest paid actor all time, making around $22,000 PER SECOND based on his screen time on American Idol, which translates to about a $40 Million a year contract. ²

That Smile says, "I own your soul".

Rumors have circulated about sketchy legal complications involving the 19 Entertainment contract, including the mysterious disappearance of Mario Vasquez from the show a few years ago, and even about Clay Aiken having to sue the company to get out of his contract.

None of these could be verified through my quick scour of the internet, but none of the contestants seem happy about the deal they have to agree to for the exposure.

Now, I know what you're thinking (as I've said many times before), Why not just quit the show before the semi-finalists Rose? You get all the exposure of being on Network T.V., and get out of the contract, it's a win-win!

And you'd be right; if it wasn't for a little thing I like to call Adam Lambert Syndrome.

"Come help me look for my dog kid, I'll give you some candy!"

With all the hair-product flying freely through the air, Randy's sweet hip-hop dialogue, and the cold, hard stare of Kara DioGuardi's eyes, the contestants are seduced into a lime-light haze that they can't get away from. The mixture of arosol, racial stereotyping, and.....well insanity becomes addictive, and the poor contestants are, year after year, tricked into the same trap.

"Yo, yo yo Dogg, that was really bumpin' yo!"

Unfortunately, the A.D. Syndrome effects the viewers as well. So I'm here to warn you. Symptoms of A.D. Syndrome include, but are not limited to:

- Hair that is bigger than your face
- Awkward, Gimmicky arrangements of songs that make the now deceased artists turn in their graves
- Millions of fans, and a paycheck that consists of hundreds of dollars
- General unexplained homo-eroticism

So remember, get tested regularly, and spade/neuter your pets.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

Blue Rose



*Stay tuned next week for when I destroy Glee
**to put that in perspective, American Idol gets about as many viewers in 4 weeks as people who voted in the 2004 Presidential Election.
***Hence the reason they robbed the M.C. from America's Top 40
**** Much Like Kirsty Alley

¹ http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7046600/
² http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_much_money_does_simon_cowell_make

IF Clash of the Titans Were Really About American Phone Companies

IF Clash of the Titans Were Really About American Phone Companies

By: Blue Rose

In the earliest days of the world, the Earth was ruled by Titans. These Titans were overthrown by their own children, and split into four different companies: AT&T, Cingular, T-Mobile, and Verizon.

Tricked by its brothers, AT&T ate Cingular, thinking it would make it stronger, but was sent to rule the underworld. Verizon became king of the heavens, and T-Mobile king of the Sea.

For years AT&T-Cingular bided their time in the Underworld, until they came up with a device so diabolical, that it became a vice for almost everyman: The IPhone.

Men began to worship AT&T instead of Verizon, and every day AT&T's strength grew and grew, until one day, Verizon had a plan to win back the favor of his subjects.

Verizon went into his Olympian Armory and forged not a lightning bolt, but a new type of phone service that would soon bring AT&T to its knees.

For hundreds of years, the far away land of Europe was famed to use a service called "GMS" that didn't force them to use strictly their carriers phones, or even to get a new phone when they switched carriers, but let them run free, frolicking in the beauty of non-proprietary phone service; and this is what Verizon said he would create.

But the years rolled on, and Verizon never delivered this promise. Rumors circulated of Verizon getting the IPhone, and yet we sit in wait, nothing delivered.

Kirstie Alley - A.K.A. The Kraken

- Explanation -

If you didn't know yet, Verizon promised it's customers in 2007 "Any Apps, Any Device", claiming it would introduce the same sort of universal service Europe boasts, but here we are three years later still hearing rumbling rumors about Verizon getting the IPhone. Is this what major Wireless conglomerates use as "effective" business strategies these days?

People like author Clandestine, from hubpages.com claim "Verizon Confirms 'they are making network changes to bring the iphone to their network'", but there is still alot of speculation. Many people think the new 4G IPhone will find its way into Verizon's hands when it makes its debut in July, as it would be a pretty penny in Apple's pocket, but what will happen is anyone's guess.

- Blue Rose

P.S. join us on facebook!

The Last Straw

By: Reach for the Sky

Well, the Straw Poll is done with. Romney takes it from Ron Paul by a single vote. Normally this would be reason for me to be disappointed. As an adamant Libertarian, I should be unhappy that our best shot at having some political representation in the white house was a lost one. And yet, I am unaffected, due to complete worthlessness and inaccuracy of the GOP Straw Poll.
As you may recall, the winner of the last Straw was a man by the name of Fred Thompson. Fred Thompson, who withdrew from the race for the Republican nomination after a failing campaign. Fred Thompson the friggin actor. He won by a much larger margin than Romney, and it turned out to mean nothing. Therefor, I am forced to assume that this poll will mean less, and Romney's presidency is to be doomed.

It should be noted than John McCain, who, if you remember, ended up being the actual Republican candidate, came in last in the 2008 poll. If the Straw Poll is any indicator, then I'm also forced to assume...

yay!

Jaw-Dropping Insanity

By: Reach for the Sky

Allow me to rant about Halo: ODST. I rented ODST a couple months ago, and returned it after three days. Here's the sum total of what the game offered as an expansion pack to Halo 3:

-a 4-hour campaign
-"firefight" mode
-slightly altered gameplay

There you go. That's everything. a short campaign with a trivial story attached to it, a new multiplayer-mode, and a couple of changes to character ability. No new weapons*, enemies, or vehicles. Firefight mode is pretty shallow considering it's the games biggest feature. You're still killing a bunch of enemies, but, get this, you aren't moving forward at all. It's hours of added content without actually needing to design an expansive level! Brilliant! as for gameplay, the character can't jump as high, take as much damage, regenerate health, or dual-wield weapons. These changes would, at the absolute most, take a day for a competent modder to create if they had provided a public SDK. It also came with all the multiplayer maps for Halo 3, rendered useless if you already had them or bought it second hand.

Reviewers ate it up of course. Almost every "major" video game source gave it 90% of their maximum score. Either bribery was involved, direct or otherwise, or these websites and magazines are run by drooling monkeys. I'm starting to think it's because Microsoft has its fans on its own yardstick, keeping their standards down with deliberately minuscule innovation in order to make every new shiny toy they give seem like the greatest piece of art since whatever number the madden games are on now**. I have a feeling that if the average halo fan knew about the massive amount of fan-made content that was available for, say, Counter-Strike, his brain would simply drip out of his nose after being blown to smithereens***.

*No, "silenced SMG" does not count. Especially when the silencer has no effect in the actual game.
**One of these days I'll write about that too. All in due time.
***I actually tried to convince a hardcore halo fan that there were hundreds of developer-quality maps for any given source game, and he simply would not buy it. I've long since given up this method of debate.

Tea Party V. Obama

Tea Party v. Obama
By: Going Galt

Democrats and the liberal media like portraying the Tea Party movement as a racist political fringe-group made up of right-wing nut-jobs led by Sarah Palin. But a new Rasmussen poll indicates that's probably not how the average American feels. 48% of American voters say that the views of the Tea Party are closer to their own than the views of President Obama.

Among the big news pertaining to the healthcare bill were reports of crazy Tea Partiers hurling threats and insults at Democratic congressmen. While there may have been instances of this, most reports of the Tea Party protests have represented activists as polite, average people who just don't like it when the federal government oversteps its bounds.

MSNBC would like to write off the Tea Party as a racist reaction to the election of a black president. But this new poll shows that most Americans (or at least 48% of them) support the idea of small government that the conservatives stand for.

I'll admit that since Sarah Palin established herself as a leader in the movement, there are times when looking at the Tea Party as a grassroots campaign free from party affiliation is a little tough. But every political organization has their weak links. And, unfortunately, every political movement will have a few fanatics who make everyone else look bad.

The Tea Party won't go away just because Democrats downplay it. Liberal congressmen should see this new statistic and be very afraid. The average American doesn't want Big Brother nationalizing corporations and bailing out failed banks. 48% of Americans seem to be right with the Tea Party in that they don't want Uncle Sam shoving health insurance down their throats. The liberal media can't ignore a strong grassroots movement like this and pretending that they're all crazy isn't going to keep the voice of the people quiet for long.

Going Galt

My name is Bryce and I have my own blog, Nobody Takes Me Cereal, which I co-author with two other people. Most of our posts are about current events like this one but we also cover sports, entertainment, and anything we really find interesting. If you like what you read on S-words I think you are likely to find our blog interesting, too, so check it out.

The Stuff Sports Are Made Of

The Stuff Sports Are Made Of:
A Satire of Tiger Woods' Media Coverage
By: Blue Rose

For those of you who don't know me, I'm s-words.org writer "Blue Rose". I always get the question, "What does Blue Rose Mean?" In a lot of literature, the blue rose is a symbol of both overcoming the impossible, and of unattainable love.

Speaking of unattainable love, Tiger Woods was back on the green today!

Woods, after one of the worst sex scandals in sports' history, returned once again to Augusta today to play in the annual "Masters" Tournament.

Woods did not have one of the greatest days of his golfing career, and ended up finishing 4 strokes behind the leader after 9 holes. But why?

Some claim the old Tiger had lost a bit of his swagger, an unfortunate side-effect of chasing too much pussy cat. Woods stated that he felt like he had "never been in this position before." ¹

Woods, before his break from golf, put up some of the most impressive stats in golf history* including 71 1st place finishes, and over $92 Million dollars won in tournaments alone ² (not including all of his endorsement deals), and before this break, there was no sign of Tiger's ability declining.

Given his dominate sports ability, and his sudden decline, I can only draw one conclusion: Tiger Woods met an unfortunate fate when one of his many affairs, was a succubus.

"Oops I Did it Again"

The Succubus, an evil female beast in ancient mythology, drew her life force out of men through sexual intercourse. ³ The most logical conclusion, is that 'Ol Tiger's strength was way too potent for this creature to avoid, and so, when she learned of his "problem", couldn't resist her prey.

How effective the Succubus's attack was, we may not know until after Tiger plays a few tournaments, but as of now it's not looking good. Hopefully, the Tiger we knew and loved, will show some of his spark once again.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

-Blue Rose

P.S. be sure to check out Going Galt's post on our blog S-Words.org

* Still not enough to keep you awake through watching it on a Sunday afternoon

¹ http://www.smh.com.au/sport/golf/first-day-back-at-the-office-has-tiger-on-edge-20100406-rpil.html

² http://www.pgatour.com/players/00/87/93/

³ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus