What Airlines Are About To Do To You
By: Blue Rose
By: Blue Rose
Recently there has been a lot of talk about new charges at airlines.
As Stephan Colbert stated, airlines are performing a new level of "wallet sodomy" on their customers.
Here's a sneak-peak at how airlines will be screwing you over on future flights.
Now Boarding
1. Carry-On Bag Charges
Oh, that's right. You thought you were sneaky packing all your clothes in that Carry-on so you didn't have to pay the checked-bag charge, but think again! We gotcha!
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/travel/2010-04-13-airlinefees13_ST_N.htm
See that? $45. That's right, you're paying them for the right to transport your own luggage instead of making the airline workers do it.
You want to watch movies on your laptop on the plane ride? $45. You want a bag of snacks for that 12-hour flight? $45. Want to have a bag full of clean diapers and pacifiers for your young child 30,000 feet in the air? Forty-Five Freaking Dollars.
Now I know what you're thinking (insert clever psychic comment), Why Rose? How are they justifying it? And here's the answer: they aren't. They're just jerks.
2. Heavy Cargo
Between 1960 and 2002 the average American weight has increased by 25 pounds. Recently, United airlines decided to add an extra charge for passengers who are considered "obese"
Since 1/3 of Americans are categorized as "Obese", Rebecca Puhl of Yale University posed the question, "Given that about 34 percent of Americans are obese, why not make one-third of the seats larger?"
Seems logical, but why would we throw logic into it?
3. Potty Penance
Oh, I definitely know what you're thinking on this one, Oh Rose, you're just doing that thing again where you make-up some amplified scenario in-order to parody the paranoia about a problem, but let me assure you, this story is completely legitimate
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4861505/Ryanair-may-charge-1-for-toilet-use.html
That's right sports-fans, if you want to use the bathroom on a Ryanair flight, and don't have spare change in your pocket, you better break out the barf-bag stowed in the seat in front of you, and hope that your neighbors aren't squeamish.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there's a fun look at how visiting your relatives in Vancouver next summer is going to SUCK.
So try and take as many flights as soon as you can, and take advantage of the free-toilet while you still can.
- Blue Rose
Oh, that's right. You thought you were sneaky packing all your clothes in that Carry-on so you didn't have to pay the checked-bag charge, but think again! We gotcha!
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/travel/2010-04-13-airlinefees13_ST_N.htm
See that? $45. That's right, you're paying them for the right to transport your own luggage instead of making the airline workers do it.
You want to watch movies on your laptop on the plane ride? $45. You want a bag of snacks for that 12-hour flight? $45. Want to have a bag full of clean diapers and pacifiers for your young child 30,000 feet in the air? Forty-Five Freaking Dollars.
Now I know what you're thinking (insert clever psychic comment), Why Rose? How are they justifying it? And here's the answer: they aren't. They're just jerks.
2. Heavy Cargo
Between 1960 and 2002 the average American weight has increased by 25 pounds. Recently, United airlines decided to add an extra charge for passengers who are considered "obese"
Since 1/3 of Americans are categorized as "Obese", Rebecca Puhl of Yale University posed the question, "Given that about 34 percent of Americans are obese, why not make one-third of the seats larger?"
Seems logical, but why would we throw logic into it?
3. Potty Penance
Oh, I definitely know what you're thinking on this one, Oh Rose, you're just doing that thing again where you make-up some amplified scenario in-order to parody the paranoia about a problem, but let me assure you, this story is completely legitimate
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4861505/Ryanair-may-charge-1-for-toilet-use.html
That's right sports-fans, if you want to use the bathroom on a Ryanair flight, and don't have spare change in your pocket, you better break out the barf-bag stowed in the seat in front of you, and hope that your neighbors aren't squeamish.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there's a fun look at how visiting your relatives in Vancouver next summer is going to SUCK.
So try and take as many flights as soon as you can, and take advantage of the free-toilet while you still can.
- Blue Rose
No comments:
Post a Comment