You Have Got To Be Kidding Me
By: Blue Rose
By: Blue Rose
If you're an old fan of the site you might remember an article from a while ago informing our readers as to the demonic nature of Justin Bieber (which can be read here)
Well, I regret to inform you that this demonic power has apparently been manifested through a new medium: the silver screen.
At this time I'd like to introduce a new segment simply entitled "Why Rotten Tomatoes is Retarded" that will consist of simply a comparison of their movie ratings.
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - %63
The Green Hornet - %46
The Mechanic - %52
Tron Legacy - %49
Now, I know the films I've compared it too aren't exactly the cream of the crop, but I mean come on. Call me crazy, but I think any system that gives the Justin Bieber movie any higher rating than "bore slowly into your skull through your ear with a rusty power drill" is more bogus than Obama's birth certificate.*
I'd like to tell you that I was a good critic and gave the movie a chance, but there is no way on God's green earth that I'd even consider spending two hours of my life on the male** version of Britney Spears in the late 90's., let alone pay for it.
Is this really what our great nation has come to? I mean, there are millions of people without jobs, there are people begging for loans just to pay their mortgage, and we go out and drop what is likely going to turn out to be millions of dollars on ticket sales?***
Now, don't get me wrong, if I were offered the type of money he was to....well....be Justin Beiber, I'd do it in a heart beat, but I'm a firm believer in my right to criticize him for it. Call it hypocritical, I don't care; I guarantee you he doesn't either.
I suppose the point of all of this is to say, "don't get caught up in all of it". This aptly named "Bieber Fever" is a real disease that will leech its way into your mind if you aren't careful.
- Blue Rose
*The sad thing is more people will be offended that I'm trashing Justin Bieber than because I'm joking about the leader of the free world. Crazy Times.
** I find this gender claim even more shaky than "lady" GaGa
*** Coincidentally his album sold 136,741 units its opening weekend.
