Gearing-Up For An Explosion?

Gearing-Up For An Explosion?
By: Blue Rose

You'd have to be living under a rock these days to have not heard about the conflict going on in Egypt right now. With Hosni Mubarak finally stepping down from power, the Egyptians will be faced with quite a few decisions in the coming days.

Many Egyptian citizens are calling for the installation of a completely Civilian-Elected Democracy, but no one is sure who would take a leadership role in this type of a situation. What we do know is that this week "a council of high-ranking officers under army chief Mohamed Hussein Tantawi is governing the country and has promised to hand over power to democratically elected leaders." Whether this promise will be held true or not, and if it is who will hold this elected positions is anyone's guess.

One of the few things the current Egyptian leadership has told the media is that they will in fact honor current treaties, including their treaty with Israel. With the rise in power of the Muslin Brotherhood, this could become one of the hottest topics of the potential Egyptian election.

A quick glance at the demographics of Egypt show that it is the highest populated country in the Middle East, and that around 91% of its citizens claim to be of Muslim faith (99% of them being "Sunni" Muslims). These numbers seem to indicate that it is likely that whomever they elect will represent the voice of the Sunni Muslims, and represent it strongly. This could very potentially mean a rekindling of Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but, unfortunately, the world will have to wait and see.

- Blue Rose

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me
By: Blue Rose

If you're an old fan of the site you might remember an article from a while ago informing our readers as to the demonic nature of Justin Bieber (which can be read here)

Well, I regret to inform you that this demonic power has apparently been manifested through a new medium: the silver screen.

At this time I'd like to introduce a new segment simply entitled "Why Rotten Tomatoes is Retarded" that will consist of simply a comparison of their movie ratings.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - %63
The Green Hornet - %46
The Mechanic - %52
Tron Legacy - %49

Now, I know the films I've compared it too aren't exactly the cream of the crop, but I mean come on. Call me crazy, but I think any system that gives the Justin Bieber movie any higher rating than "bore slowly into your skull through your ear with a rusty power drill" is more bogus than Obama's birth certificate.*

I'd like to tell you that I was a good critic and gave the movie a chance, but there is no way on God's green earth that I'd even consider spending two hours of my life on the male** version of Britney Spears in the late 90's., let alone pay for it.

Is this really what our great nation has come to? I mean, there are millions of people without jobs, there are people begging for loans just to pay their mortgage, and we go out and drop what is likely going to turn out to be millions of dollars on ticket sales?***

Now, don't get me wrong, if I were offered the type of money he was to....well....be Justin Beiber, I'd do it in a heart beat, but I'm a firm believer in my right to criticize him for it. Call it hypocritical, I don't care; I guarantee you he doesn't either.

I suppose the point of all of this is to say, "don't get caught up in all of it". This aptly named "Bieber Fever" is a real disease that will leech its way into your mind if you aren't careful.

- Blue Rose



*The sad thing is more people will be offended that I'm trashing Justin Bieber than because I'm joking about the leader of the free world. Crazy Times.

** I find this gender claim even more shaky than "lady" GaGa

*** Coincidentally his album sold 136,741 units its opening weekend.

Far, Far Too Long

Far, Far Too Long
By, Blue Rose

You know, I was glancing at my internet favorites today and noticed a very lonely S-Words link. I started to think about the impact that we used to have, and more than that how much I used to enjoy contributing, in my own way, to the online zeitgeist. Upon this extremely evocative experience, I felt extreme guilt. I felt like I had quit. Quit working hard at a vague dream, quit promises and plans that once were adamant in my mind, and quit having a voice. And, as I began to ponder these things, I became extremely curious as to why this is how things typically go in our lives (or at the very least mine). Why it is we tend to start down the slippery slope of relaxation that eventually leads to stoppage at the first sign of failure? Well, I for one am going to try to do something about it. I am going to take the advice that I have so often given, and attempt to reignite a voice that I have let lay silent for so long. I would at first like to apologize to all the fans that followed so diligently for so long, and then I would like to offer up a new commitment to try and hold fast to the achievement of the goals that originally characterized the creation of this ever humble site.

Hopefully along the way there will be laughs, amazement, anger, and all the other wonderful emotions that go along with observing our world today, but at the very least I hope to make you think about something in the vague-ist sense of the word.

Reminding you to always find your voice, Prima Voce,

- Blue Rose

A Retraction of Sorts

So, a while ago I made some predictions about The Old Republic, or more specifically, predictions of it's inability to live up to the previous titles of the series. One of the complaints was that the world would have to be static due to the fact that it's an MMO, and in order to make a point I took a potshot at the then-upcoming World of Warcraft expansion Cataclysm.

"Once it's turned on, World of Warcraft will be altered, and then go unchanged again. Congratulations, for the first time in ten years, the Warcraft storyline has advanced."

Oh burn! That'll teach em to push past the status quo. too bad I was wrong about everything.

It's true that the actual world was only physically altered once, but the state of affairs of each zone is far from set in stone. With WoW's new phasing technology, things will change depending on how far you are from an area's main story. Battles will begin and end. Characters will die, never to be seen again. It isn't a perfect system, and it isn't even applied to all cases, (bosses of dungeons will be kicking around again five minutes after they've tasted your steel) but Blizzard deserves an apology for my gun-jumping. I'm sure they were emotionally scarred by my words.

I still stand by my predictions about The Old Republic. In fact, once I'm done writing this, I'm going to get started on another list of preemptive grievances against the game. But in the mean-time, I'm sorry Blizzard, I should have trusted your dedication to innovation. But hey, we all make mistakes right.

Way to go EA

"It's revolting. It's violent. It's everything you love in a game, and your mom's gonna hate it."

EA has decided to take a new route in marketing their action/horror/thriller/survivor/space game Dead Space 2. Instead of worrying about showing content or giving glimpses of the story, EA has decided to focus their efforts on making sure every gamer knows what's really important about their product; how much it will upset their mothers.

No, really.

These people are idiots. There's no kind way to say it. Right now the Electronic Merchants Association is in the Supreme Court desperately fighting California's video game censorship laws so publishers like EA can release Mediocre Shooter 4: It's Still Personal, or whatever they have lined up, without worrying about whether an M rating will bar it from the shelves of Gamestop. While this is going on, EA has basically stated "We are deliberately putting disgusting content in this game, which is all you, the gamer, care about," which is both insulting and completely untrue, and I can assure you California's lawyers will have a field day with it.

So way to go EA. Way to set the public image of video games back five years. Way to tarnish the reputation of gaming during a time when it is critical that developers demonstrate maturity. Way to affirm everything the media, the fear-mongering politicians, and the insane activists have been saying about the industry since Duke Nukem. Seriously guys, good job.

Spartacus Is Awesome

Oh yeah, I said it. And no, I'm not talking about the actual person, although I'm sure he was awesome as well, nor am I referring to the 1960 film, the 2004 film, or the Swedish rugby club. I'm talking about the Starz original series Spartacus: Blood and Sand. This may surprise you, because at first glance Spartacus is everything wrong with television. It's just another show on a "premium channel" with a weak plot to justify showing its audience spectacularly gory fights, displaying sex scenes whenever possible and peppering the dialogue with profanity to satisfy some middle-schoolers idea of maturity. Except that isn't the case. Spartacus has done more to set itself apart than any show, ever.

First and most importantly, there's its episode layout. Most prime time dramas follow a similar structure. They generally have a main plot that follows the protagonist(s), while having several parallel plots going along at the same time, usually involving minor characters. The plots will advance at different times. All dramas with a story that spans for a season or longer are guilty of this, although some do it worse than others. 24 and Lost both became bogged down with far too many unrelated plots and very little got accomplished in each episode. Dexter often tries to give uninteresting characters an interesting story. True Blood often tries to give interesting characters an uninteresting story. Spartacus is different in that it has the main plot that advances over the course of the season, and no more than one or two subplots that span a few episodes, anything else is resolved within an episode. Each episode foreshadows or blatantly advertises a big event, the episode builds up towards that event while advancing the plots, the even happens, the end. There's never a rut because each episode contains its own story¹, the writers don't insult you by giving boring characters more than a couple minutes of screen time, and there aren't any cheap cliffhangers. In fact, there's nothing to keep the viewer tuned in for the next episode except for the outstanding quality of the series, which is more than any other show can say.

It also has an extremely strong title character. Spartacus is a visceral, violent person, but he is still a human being, complete with emotions, limits, and fallibility. He isn't a stereotypical only-fights-because-he-has-to white knight. He enjoys fighting and glory and being a gladiator, he's a barbarian after all. He makes mistakes, he changes, he has internal conflicts. He's every bit as complex as the title character of Dexter. The minor characters are also developed well. The antagonist² is particularly well characterized, undoubtedly evil, but also sort of likable. He serves as another example of adding depth where most shows tend to get lazy. There's a fine line between believable and boring, but Spartacus gets it right for just about all of its characters, and it helps that all of the actors take their roles very seriously.

Then there are the more juvenile aspects of it. If you have ever found anything offensive on TV that was "too much for you", pass on Spartacus, because I can assure you what ever it is, Spartacus has done it worse. Yes, it does contain absurd amounts of sex and gore. It's a show about Roman society and gladiators, what do you expect? But while it does use these "tools" for shock value, just as often it uses them tastefully and effectively to evoke emotion. Also, as an opponent of censorship of any kind, it warms my heart to see a show that crosses boundaries so carelessly.

Now, take head from ass, and use it for once. If you hurry you can watch the first season before the next one starts.

1: Actually there's never a rut because the writing is excellent, but this helps

2: If you've only seen the first couple of episodes, no, i'm not talking about him.

Halolz

I was talking to one of my subordinates over at The Order of Cynical Gentlemen about the nature of cynicism, and naturally the conversation came around to the subject of the Halo franchise. Apparently, this so called cynic didn't detest the game and what its rampant success implied about the game industry, and in fact seemed to actually have a positive opinion of the games. Obviously I set to correct this, but found I was unable to eloquently state my problems with the series. Now, I certainly wasn't actually doubting my (far superior) ideas, they were simply too complex to easily translate into words. I have since collected my thoughts and will now do my best to relay my correct and unquestionable viewpoint on the matter.

First of all, I don't think the Halo games are bad, only drastically overrated. I will admit to occasionally giving the games some undeserved grief, but only because, like Avatar, everyone else is giving the game a lot of undeserved praise. The game's only real crime was being mediocre and selling like the Cure for Cancer. Halo represents everything that's wrong with the game industry, from demonstrating how a games commercial success is directly proportional to its advertising budget, to making on addon any freeware modder could create in a month (better) and selling it like it was a real game. But to be fair, I'm going to attempt to set all that aside and review the games proper.

Halo: Combat Evolved

I have always found this game quite lacking in the "astounding" department. Aside from its finale, there are few "Wow"-worthy moments in the game. The characters have the personality of a slab of granite. The color pallet looks like it was dropped in the mud during development. In terms of story, the game kept the player at arms length, and it always seems like everyone knows some crucial plot point you don't. As for the gameplay, this game is the definition of repetitive. The weapons aren't very satisfying to fire, and the majority of the game takes place in corridors of various shapes and sizes. I don't have much to say about this game, the only thing that matters now is that it left absolutely no lasting impressions with me and added nothing to gaming as a whole, except maybe an unhealthy focus on multiplayer.

Halo 2: Electric Boogaloo

This game does things better. The environments are more open this time around, as well as a bit less monochrome and samey. One character, the Arbiter, is actually developed, for a couple of minutes at least, after that he's another cardboard cut-out. There are even moments in the game that could be described as "pretty awesome". The story is still fairly impenetrable, but theres at least enough spectacle to keep the game interesting, even though the player is rarely allowed to participate in the cool stuff. However, while it's better than its predecessor and many shooters that came out in the surrounding years, it can't hold a candle to a certain shooter that came out four years earlier.

Halo 3: Shoot Harder

Once again, Bungie corrects some of its own past mistakes. This time the player is allowed to do some epic things themselves, like actually fight the alien's large walking death-machines directly (which is kind of funny, because some other shooter pulled the same trick a year earlier.) The environment could now be described as colorful. The characters are still static and one-dimensional (with the exception of Cortana); The characters who I know as "the girl" and "the black guy" are both killed, which combined generated in me an emotional response equivalent to when I accidentally tear into a piece of paper when removing the perforated edges. Oh, and of all the antagonists, the developers decided that the final boss fight would be against a floating light-bulb. There were some very memorable moments in this game, but all-in-all its still a very safe game that doesn't push the envelope or take any chances. Some call it traditional, I call it a re-tread. Also, whoever comes up with the level names for these people deserves an award.

Halo: Old Dumb Stupid Thing

I have already said just about everything I want to say about this game. The only thing I'd like to add is for everyone moaning about how I never brought up the fact that the cast of Firefly voices the characters, for $60 dollars you can buy four copies of the entire Firefly series and two copies of Serenity.

Halo: Reach (Can't think of anything witty)

I rented this game, and I don't think I can force myself to play it anymore. This is strange, as it is clearly the best game in the series. The characters are actually, you know, characterized. The combat is more satisfying than ever. It is now physically possible to follow the story, which has been elevated to the rank of average. The only problem is that I feel like I've been playing it for years now. Bungie finally made a game I would consider an acceptable addition to my game library, but it's too late. I have become completely burnt out with this series. I don't think I could fire a sling-shot at a Covenant Grunt without vomiting. For all of it's improvements, it's merely good, and that's not enough for me at this point. In the scope of shooters, it's no better than anything Valve has made, and in the scope of gaming in general, it's very mediocre.

That's all I have to say about Halo for now, but there is still more to come! In the near future I intend to compare Halo 2 with Half-Life 2 and see how they hold-up to each other (hint: Half-Life 2 is better on all counts.) Don't forget to leave a constructive and productive comment below!