The Stuff Sports Are Made Of

The Stuff Sports Are Made Of:
A Satire of Tiger Woods' Media Coverage
By: Blue Rose

For those of you who don't know me, I'm s-words.org writer "Blue Rose". I always get the question, "What does Blue Rose Mean?" In a lot of literature, the blue rose is a symbol of both overcoming the impossible, and of unattainable love.

Speaking of unattainable love, Tiger Woods was back on the green today!

Woods, after one of the worst sex scandals in sports' history, returned once again to Augusta today to play in the annual "Masters" Tournament.

Woods did not have one of the greatest days of his golfing career, and ended up finishing 4 strokes behind the leader after 9 holes. But why?

Some claim the old Tiger had lost a bit of his swagger, an unfortunate side-effect of chasing too much pussy cat. Woods stated that he felt like he had "never been in this position before." ¹

Woods, before his break from golf, put up some of the most impressive stats in golf history* including 71 1st place finishes, and over $92 Million dollars won in tournaments alone ² (not including all of his endorsement deals), and before this break, there was no sign of Tiger's ability declining.

Given his dominate sports ability, and his sudden decline, I can only draw one conclusion: Tiger Woods met an unfortunate fate when one of his many affairs, was a succubus.

"Oops I Did it Again"

The Succubus, an evil female beast in ancient mythology, drew her life force out of men through sexual intercourse. ³ The most logical conclusion, is that 'Ol Tiger's strength was way too potent for this creature to avoid, and so, when she learned of his "problem", couldn't resist her prey.

How effective the Succubus's attack was, we may not know until after Tiger plays a few tournaments, but as of now it's not looking good. Hopefully, the Tiger we knew and loved, will show some of his spark once again.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

-Blue Rose

P.S. be sure to check out Going Galt's post on our blog S-Words.org

* Still not enough to keep you awake through watching it on a Sunday afternoon

¹ http://www.smh.com.au/sport/golf/first-day-back-at-the-office-has-tiger-on-edge-20100406-rpil.html

² http://www.pgatour.com/players/00/87/93/

³ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus