4 Reasons Justin Bieber Is The Spawn Of Satan

Justin Bieber Sold His Soul To The Devil By: Blue Rose

Oh, you heard me right. Justin Bieber is, in fact, the spawn of Satan.

For those of you who don't know, Justin Bieber is a 15-year-old Hip-hop/Pop/Radio Disney singer from the great State Of North Montana Country of Canada!

At age 12, the young Canadian super star discovered his talent for singing when he placed second in a singing competition in Stratford Ontario.

Let me say that one more time so it will really sink in:

He placed Second in a singing competition, in Stratford Ontario: population 30,342.*

So, you may ask, how is it that a second-rate singer from a relatively small town become a teen super-star?

Well, His Wikipedia page claims that he and his mother began posting videos on Youtube for his family members that couldn't make performances, which were in-turn seen by record executives in Atlanta Georgia but we all know Wikipedia is NEVER an accurate source for information**, so I can only draw one conclusion:

He made a deal with the Devil.

I know what you're thinking (isn't that scary?), it's another hasty conclusion, but how else would he be able to write so many songs about "love" unless he were learning all about the sins of the flesh vis a vis Lucifer?

In all seriousness, his album went gold within the first week it was out, his song "One Time" even went platinum in Canada! (No small task considering they're all Inuits who think Ipods are a type of agriculture).

This kind of success can only come from one place; a soulless vessel controlled by Satan.

So, you may ask, what will be young Bieber's next career move? A movie deal? Staged Celebrity Romance with Miley Cyrus? Mounting a war against Heaven?

No one can say. The only thing we know for certain, is Bieber has MOST DEFINITELY been welcomed into a very dangerous Family...


-Blue Rose

Reach's Note: Something tells me this guy doesn't have any trouble with "sins of the flesh"

*Canada's largest town
**Thanks AP English!!