By Blue Rose
So, I realize that my signature at the top of this post might as well be the signature on my death warrant as I am sure I am probably incurring the wrath of one million pre-teen girls, but that's how passionate my dislike for robert pattinson is, I am willing to stare death in the face just to poke some fun at that "Elvis meets Tina Turner" haircut of his*
So I know what you're thinking, why Rose? why make fun of poor little "my life as a teenage vampire"?** And the answer is simple: He just won't go away.
The most shocking thing about this is that Pattinson has not even done that many movies. A quick glance at his IMDB page shows that he didn't even do a single film between the first two pre-teen-girl-fueled blockbusters "Twighlight" and "New Moon". Despite such limited screen time, he and Stewart both underwent HUGE PR campaigns unmatched by any teen idols I've ever seen.
Everything from $80 Robert Pattinson print bed covers (So you can fantasize about cuddling up with him as your stuffed unicorns cover their eyes and shiver.) to Twilight themed chocolate has skyrocketed Pattinson into the realm of celebridom.
Scouring the internet, I couldn't find any estimates of how much the young Dracula made for his merchandise, but he did earn just over $12 million for the two films alone.
Now, even if you disregard my complete hatred for Robby, if his future as a hollywood star is to continue he simply has to leave for a while. The 24-year-old "heart throb" isn't getting any younger, and eventually will not be able to pull-off this same role he has been typecast as. He's got to pull back from the scene for a while, give the world a break, and come back an adult who might actually gain some shred of respect from the finer members of the hollywood community.
I suppose though, that this sets up a win-win scenario for me. If RPAtz decides to stick around, I'll only have to put up with the homo-erotic merchandise, and likely millions of websites devoted to him for a while, until Hollywood kicks him out for trying to play a highschooler as a 30-year-old, and if he goes away for a while, maybe he'll come back someone i can actually stand.
Either way, it could be worse. So long as Pattinson and the lead singer of Nickelback don't invitro a child together, I think the level of metro-sexualism will be capped at a containable level.
-Blue RoseAt this time I'd also like to refer you to one of our favorite blogs here at s-words - No Body Takes Me Cereal. They're a great political blog, and very handy if you want to know what's going on in the world, so take a look!
*I mean, look at the thing. It's just asking to be punched in the face
**Another hit title to go in me and Reach's copyright vault
I completely agree.
ReplyDeleteGood post.
Hey man, I'm actually not a pre-teen girl. I'm a 17 year old Male and I don't understand your hatred for an ACTOR who plays a PART in a movie YOU DON'T even have to watch. Think about that, I could argue even further into the fallacies in this post but that's the gist of, don't watch the damn movie, and quit crying about someone who is succesful in his own right if you can't bring a more valid argument than "wahhh, I can't stand Robert Pattinson because he looks so girly, and he plays in badly written teenage romance." Point is he's succesful he won't go away for at least another 2 movies so deal with it and just ignore him. Later!
ReplyDeleteLol not directing that at the author but, the general public of males who hate Robert Pattinson, for no apparent reason other than who he plays in a Movie, Written for young girls! If ya honestly are going to complain about a movie not written for your demographic find some real problems in the movie, not trying to start an internet fight so i'm calling a truce by saying I hate Twilight too! Stephanie Meyer is an Adult author with a young girls mind!
ReplyDeletei think you missed the main thesis of the article. it's about why i want him to go away, and it's because it has become something where i can't just escape him by simply not watching the movie, he's every where! i can't get by without seeing robert pattinson this, and robert pattinson that, and im tired of seeing him and that werewolf guy half naked everywhere. If it were something i could just tune out, i wouldn't have wasted my time, or a post on it.
ReplyDeleteAs for falacies, this is about humour, not a logical by the book argument. It was simply meant to express my feelings through comedic perspective, and if you didn't enjoy it, i would have to reissue your own statement and advise you not to read it.
It isn't my intention to chase you away from our blog at all, far from it, but it's much more important to me that you wouldn't be offended by it, and if accomplishing that requires you to not read it, then i would much rather you not.
ReplyDeleteI want this to be a place of both entertainment and inspiration, not one where people get offended.
Honestly, I don't have THAT strong of feelings about him, i mean i've never even met the guy! It's just the style of comedy i use sometimes comes out as hostile, please don't read too much into it.
Haha, Nah I don't care really it's a funny blog, but, the generalized humor and comedy directed at someone generally undeserving is a little bit of a "I'm anonymous in front of a computer screen, if this person I was talking about were right here would I have the balls to even come close to making fun of him? I am anonymous" and it can be dehumanizing to read sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThat's kind of the idea though.
ReplyDeleteYou have to dehumanize yourself a little to be an internet author
one of my favorite internet comedians of all time called it his "robo face"