Copious Linkage: The Wikipedia Effect

By: Reach For The Sky

It's 1 a.m. You're three sentences into your minimum five-page research paper. Which is due in nine hours. Why then, are you reading the Wikipedia page detailing the exploits of MacGyver? You don't know. You could have sworn you were reading Charlotte Brontë's page, scouring for sources a second ago. It's the strange phenomenon known as the Wikipedia effect. When reading any wikipedia page, there are links, colored blue for ease of identification. When one of these catches your attention (and at least one will, most likely when you are on a time crunch) you will click it on instinct. Another Wikipedia page, with it's own set of links is presented. Soon you're going through episode guides to "Chuck", learning the finer ideas of Scientology, or reading the biography of a DC super hero. It's the most fatal distraction ever, and it's everywhere.

YouTube, 8:00 p.m. You're killing time by watching a friend's skating video. What's that in Related Videos? Extreme pogosticking? You have to see this. Then pogo trick fail. then trampoline fail. this will go on until it's 4 in the morning, you leave for work in 3 hours.

It seems that the internet is designed to keep you intertwined for hours on end. Tags, links, recommended items, all set in place to draw your attention and hold it until exhaustion outweighs interest. If there was a way to apply this to modern advertising, someone would make billions. This person would be considered pure evil, so you take the bad with the good.

Sorry for the inane post. Sleep deprivation can do that to you. By the way, if you liked this post, you'll love this update.

Rose's Note: Sometimes this sleep depravation spills over. I.E. Reach sending me millions of links, and me not being able to avoid clicking them, but it's made for some of the biggest laughs I've ever had.

The World's Most Ultimate Nap

The World's Most Ultimate Nap
By: Blue Rose

Today I did one of the most stupid things I've ever done.

I had a pretty long day at school, and after getting home around 5:15, I was knocked-out asleep before 5:30.

So, time flies by me without my knowledge, and when I woke-up, I had this sinking feeling that I had wasted so much time, that I had missed out on something.

I started to wonder, what did I actually miss?*

I scoured the internet looking for facts, news, and statistics, and the information was staggering.

I was a sleep for roughly 330 minutes. In that time, 1320 people died from AIDS, nearly $9 billion was spent on cosmetics, and nearly $4 billion was spent on Alcoholic drinks. ¹

CLEARLY I MISSED OUT ON THE PARTY OF A LIFETIME.

I mean, STDS, Alcohol, and literally TONS of make-up? What was the world doing while i slept? Clearly not tuning-in to the PBS tele-thon. What I can only assume is while I was asleep, The World decided to throw a massive party and not invite me.

The only problem is, I can't think of why The World wouldn't want to invite me. I mean, I like to think we have an O.K. relationship; I'm plugged-in the all the social networking sites, I see all the latest news and celeb gossip, and I like to think i contribute at least a little something to the internet with my blog**

I mean, maybe The World just lost my phone number? I'm not sure, but I was clearly left out of a party so intense, it made "The Hangover" look like your second cousins 4th birthday party.

I may have missed the party, but I'm assuming considering the volume of money spent*** (and STDS acquired for that matter) that surely some of our readers made the guest list? and I'd love to hear some stories of what it was like****, but for now I'm going to be to busy watching late night Sit-Com reruns because I, like an idiot, took the world's most ultimate nap.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

Blue Rose

P.S. whoever posts the most ridiculous "World Party" scenario gets an honorable mention in my next week's post.....do what you will internet.

* Other than some much needed studying for a Physics test

**Don't even start, just let me live my dream

*** Or maybe T-Pain showed up and just "Made it Rain"

**** Comment Section, prepare to be flooded with a vulgarity and insanity only the wrath of the internet can create

¹ according to http://www.oneworldaction.org/photos_videos_audio/videos

A Well Armed Lamb

By: Reach For The Sky

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."

Benjamin Franklin

Picture this: It's the year 2---. Famed (insert popular party/ideology)ist Bob Boberson is running for President of the Earth on a ground breaking election campaign. The centerpiece of his platform is a new economic promise; A massive payment to every civilian making less than the top 10% of income earners. To find the amount to be paid to each person, the amount of total wealth earned that year by the top 10% of civilians would be divided in half and then divided by the number of civilians making less than the top 10%. Isn't it just so strange how those two values line up so perfectly? Better yet, this payment would be made every year.

Obviously a certain %10 percent of the population would be vehemently against this. Something about back-breaking taxes, who knows. "Well of course they're going to be opposed to my plan, it affects them negatively. The fact is, this is what Earth wants. It's time we fueled the retirement dreams of the less fortunate, and stop pampering the greedy rich with taxes they call 'fair'," and it is what Earth wants. Boberson wins by a huge margin against Bill Billerson, who was only for taking a third of the top 10% of income earner's wealth. Bob's plan goes into effect, and 90% of the world is happy. The stock markets crash in a week, executive jobs are completely vacant within two. The world's economy collapses, people starve and freeze to death, etc. etc. Thanks Bob.

That may sound ridiculously pessimistic and Rand-ish, but I'm starting to hear more and more rhetoric like Bob's in the news and politics. There are reasons we made a Constitution that can't be overruled on the whims of whatever political party currently has the majority of Congress under its thumb. One of those reasons is to protect the rights of minorities from mob rule, and as much as some people hate to admit it, the wealthy are a minority. If you liked that quote up their, here's another one by Franky:

"When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic"

Note: Before you get defensive about whatever ideology you think I was bashing up their, remember that I didn't name one. If your party seems like the caricature I made, That's its own fault.

Also, I keep forgetting to mention, you can email me at reach@s-words.org. I can't promise I won't post emails that are sent to me, but I will promise I won't leave your name/email address in there (unless you want me to. If you're that proud of it, let me know in the email.)

How Video Games Ruin Themselves

How Video Games Are Ruined
By: Blue Rose

1. Time Limits

So many video games love to put time limits on things. Why? To falsely manufacture action*. It's annoying, it's gimmicky, and it's one of my least favorite devices in the entire realm of video gaming.

Biggest Culprit: The worst one that stands in my mind is "Katamari Damacy". This game had fantastic potential to be so much fun if I wasn't constantly worrying about making it by the time limit. There were so many props, so many things to see, but it was so rushed, you couldn't take the time to enjoy it.

When it's good: When coupled along side an infinite time mode. I understand that somewhere (deep in a very, very dark corner) there is someone that enjoys this whole "Time Limit" thing, but why can't they include free-play modes for those of us who actually like to relax, and enjoy the game?

Other Notes: Sometimes time limits are totally useless. The time limit reaches zero, and guess what happens. Nothing. The funniest example of this is "Minesweeper". Why they chose to include the time limit no one knows, but it's there in case you want to see how fast you sweep mines and don't have a stop watch handy.

2. Poor Health Systems

Some video games have completely awful health systems, and it can screw you over big time. I can't say how many times I've ended up quitting a game because I get really far, and then get stranded somewhere with low health and no way to gain any.

Biggest Culprit: For me, the worst example of this was "Half Life 2". Without health that regenerates over time, and hardly any way to gain health, I got extremely frustrated when i got stranded at a save point very late in a chapter with only 4/100 health. This caused me to abandon finishing the game.

When It's Good: The best ways to incorporate health systems, in my opinion, are with minimal consequences. There's nothing more frustrating than when you are having fun in a video game, then, because of a simple mistake, die and are sent back. Wayyyyy back. Back to a place so early in the game, it's almost in the game's prequel. All this does is break the flow of the game. It's an awful tactic by developers because instead of being immersed in their product, you're broken out of it with a sharp jolt.

Other Notes: While these low risk health systems are the most fun, they are definitely the most unrealistic. Which bothers a lot of people**

3. Limited Lives

While this isn't something that's implemented very often any more, it's still very very very frustrating. It hasn't been a widely mainstream facet of gaming since the days of the Arcade, but every once in a while it resurfaces. Besides, it's terribly fun to know you can jump off a cliff when you get frustrated, and re-spawn unscathed.

Biggest Culprit: "Contra 3". If you've ever even attempted to play this game, you know how impossible it would be to play through on the game's original 3 life system. Even getting past the first level is nearly impossible with their original system. It makes it to to where you can't even enjoy the game without cheating, and it's hurt a lot of games.

When It's Good: Never.
Other Notes: Yet again, sometimes developers put this in for no reason. In the new "Super Mario Bro.s" game on the Wii, when you run out of lives, you just hit continue. That's it. There's literally no reason to have a life system, but hey, who am i to argue with so much success?

4. Beating a Franchise to Death

This is one of the worst. Although, I can't quite blame developers for this, because I would probably do the same if I had such a money making formula. This is something that is especially prevalent today. Developers are scared to entirely break out of the mold, so when they come up with a new idea for a game, they just mix it in with their recognizable franchise.

Biggest Culprit: There are so many choices in this section. Mario, Sonic, the never ending stream of Tom Clancy games, but I think the award has to go not an actual game, but a person. That's right, none other than George Lucas himself. With everything from "Lego Indiana Jones", "Lego Star Wars", "Lego Harry Potter", and "Lego Batman", to "The Force Unleashed", "Knights of the Old Republic", and a new Star Wars MMO that is soon to come out, George Lucas has successfully stamped his name on a hefty portion of the video game industry.

When It's Good: When games know when to die. Don't get me wrong, I love sequals. There are just times, however, when game developers need to figure out it's time to call it quits. I am all good with sequals as long as the developers introduce new, innovative ideas, while still sticking to their old formula of greatness, but it's a fine line. One walked very masterfully by the "Command and Conquer" Series :)

Other Notes: The most annoying thing is when developers borrow the name, and a few of the same graphic design style from another game, only to make a game nothing like the original. Alot of times Developers would be better off just scrapping it as a sequal, and starting a whole new adventure.

Conclusion

There are alot of new and exciting things emmerging in the video game world, yet developers continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over again. Hopefully we can one day get to a point where developers will actually learn from their mistakes, and embrace creativity.

- Blue Rose

* Oh yes, that's right, I'm talking about you Bejeweled!

** Stupid People

Breaking Health Care News

By Reach For The Sky

A story that will forever shatter the world of health care. It will forever change the lives of millions. The United States, in my opinion, will never recover from this crippling blow. I'm speaking of course, of the insider trading going on in the health care industry. Never again can we tru-

What? You're saying that their is some other health care story that's more pressing than white-collar crime? I honestly can't imagine what could possibly- well let's just see. Ah, the health care bill. I suppose that's a bit weighty. Thanks for the article, strange cloaked man in my room. You can put the knife away now.

So I've consulted the magical S-words Opinion Generating Machine™ and apparently this is bad. I can never understand this thing nowadays. Something about costing companies money in tax breaks? Could be broken I suppose. It doesn't seem to be factoring in the opinions of the 46.3 million uninsured Americans.

Also, the heated debate has turned to violence. Senators have been threatened. Windows have been broken. Expletives have been used. While it seems no one has been hurt,* the situation is escalating. It's good to know that both parties are making it absolutely clear that this whole situation is not good. You can't try to strong-arm the political system and expect anything less than a stern scolding from those affected.

Obama has dared republicans to oppose the bill in their respective platforms. Reports on whether this was accompanied by him sticking out his chest and repeating "what you gonna do, huh?" are unconfirmed, so I'm forced to come to the conclusion that he did.

On a lighter note, do you know how difficult it was to find a health care story that was not about the reform bill? I'll give you a hint, it was very difficult.

*physically, that is. Bad words can be corrosive to self-esteem.

Rose's note: By the way, did you know Parkland Hospital in Dallas (where they took Kennedy after he was shot) is a charity hospital, and therefore provides free care? The hospital was good enough for a President, yet there's no quality free health care? Hm....

Internet Assault

By: Reach For The Sky

There are some things that just shouldn't be done. Insulting football in Texas, Going to Antarctica in a bathing suit, But if you really want to submerge yourself in hot water, the best thing to do is tempt the wrath of the internet¹. Allow me to summarize the events surrounding this delightful story I happened upon.

-Random Internet Boy (call him RIB) goes to a forum and posts a link to his "friend's" ongoing book. In the original post, as well as subsequent replies, RIB says some rather rude things about her and her skills as a writer. I personally will not say anything about it, I feel sorry for her enough already.

-Someone else decided to put up a link to a comments page² on the website where she is hosting her book. It is almost instantly filled with insults and profanity.

-Internet detectives use clues in the book (it is semi-autobiographical) to find out where she lives and what school she goes to, her facebook is discovered, and pictures of her are spread on the forum.

-Around this point, image-hosting giant 4Chan is brought into the picture. For those that don't know, 4Chan is home to some of the sickest, most terrifyingly resourceful lurkers in the world. More information is dug up on the girl and RIB.

-Eventually the principle of the school gets a call; It's the internet. it gives him all sorts of interesting info about the thread. While at this point, RIB has cunningly edited the rude things he wrote, the other forum members were more than happy to provide backups of his original posts.

-The usual amount of internet mischief is enacted on RIB. Crank calls to local pizza places, vulgar mail, hilarious photoshopped pictures of RIB are spread, etc. The whole debacle is eventually lost in the depths of the internet. RIB and the writer are most likely still feeling the effects locally.

Why am I writing about this? quite frankly, the whole thing terrifies me. A huge amount of personal information about this girl was unleashed, all because someone else posted her info. With the smallest details, a few forum lurkers discovered incredible amounts of personal information, which then spread like wildfire. Scarier still, this sort of thing happens all the time. Just consider this a cautionary tale, Don't ever, ever expose yourself to the will of the internet. People use pseudonyms for a reason.

The following links lead to pages where users can freely respond, so you can expect the usual amount of profanity that comes with that. They are posted here for reference purposes only.

¹ http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=911688
² http://finallyeamfb.webs.com/apps/guestbook/

4 Ways We Are Very Likely To Die

4 Ways We Are Very Likely To Die
By: Blue Rose

1. Mass Explosion Created By Us

Humans are instinctively drawn to making the biggest explosion as possible. Exactly why, no one knows. It starts with watching ants pop through a magnifying glass when you're a kid, evolves into fireworks when you're a pre-teen, and before you know it, you're a Nuclear chemist working on the next Manhattan project. There's just something that draws us to watching sparks and flames fly all over the place, and this joy is only increased exponentially when the explosives in question are attached to a younger sibling's Barbie Doll. As the demand for larger and larger explosions continue, eventually one crazy scientist will take it too far. The resulting blast will be so huge, it'll make Stephanie Meyer's ego look like the Jonas' brothers man parts.

2. Massive Wars

People will find any and every excuse to fight.

Eventually, when we tick Switzerland off enough to do something all sign-up for two opposing sides, there might just be enough armies that fight to actually annihilate the world's population.

When we finally find that one issue (which carebear is the best, 80's progressive rock vs. glam rock, Who's hotter: Lisa Nova or Sarah Palin, etc. etc.) that we all feel so passionately about we just have to pick a side, the world will be put in such conflict that it won't be able to make it through.

3. Lack of Food

Let's face it, no one want to be a farmer anymore.

4. Destruction of the Environment

Pahahahaha Global warming. Hahahaha yeah right.



Reminding you to find your voice,

- BlueRose

P.S. did none of you really notice that even though last week's article was entitled "4 Reasons Justin Bieber is The Spawn of Satan" it wasn't a top 4 list? I thought you all were more observant than that.

4 Reasons Justin Bieber Is The Spawn Of Satan

Justin Bieber Sold His Soul To The Devil By: Blue Rose

Oh, you heard me right. Justin Bieber is, in fact, the spawn of Satan.

For those of you who don't know, Justin Bieber is a 15-year-old Hip-hop/Pop/Radio Disney singer from the great State Of North Montana Country of Canada!

At age 12, the young Canadian super star discovered his talent for singing when he placed second in a singing competition in Stratford Ontario.

Let me say that one more time so it will really sink in:

He placed Second in a singing competition, in Stratford Ontario: population 30,342.*

So, you may ask, how is it that a second-rate singer from a relatively small town become a teen super-star?

Well, His Wikipedia page claims that he and his mother began posting videos on Youtube for his family members that couldn't make performances, which were in-turn seen by record executives in Atlanta Georgia but we all know Wikipedia is NEVER an accurate source for information**, so I can only draw one conclusion:

He made a deal with the Devil.

I know what you're thinking (isn't that scary?), it's another hasty conclusion, but how else would he be able to write so many songs about "love" unless he were learning all about the sins of the flesh vis a vis Lucifer?

In all seriousness, his album went gold within the first week it was out, his song "One Time" even went platinum in Canada! (No small task considering they're all Inuits who think Ipods are a type of agriculture).

This kind of success can only come from one place; a soulless vessel controlled by Satan.

So, you may ask, what will be young Bieber's next career move? A movie deal? Staged Celebrity Romance with Miley Cyrus? Mounting a war against Heaven?

No one can say. The only thing we know for certain, is Bieber has MOST DEFINITELY been welcomed into a very dangerous Family...


-Blue Rose

Reach's Note: Something tells me this guy doesn't have any trouble with "sins of the flesh"

*Canada's largest town
**Thanks AP English!!

What If Being President Were Based On Ability To Pick Sports Teams?

By: Blue Rose

Well, it's March Madness season, and once again the top news story in the world is:

BARACK OBAMA's NCAA BRACKET!

woohoo!

First of all, I'd like to point out how hilarious it is that Obama's bracket gets looked at more than most ESPN analysts (Especially you Herbstreit)

Second of all, I'd like to point out how hilarious it is that a black guy our president sucks at picking teams.

As President of the United States, it's going to be his job to evaluate an army's character, intentions, and ability, and decide if we should align ourselves with them.

If the president can't even pass decent judgement on a college basketball team, how are we supposed to trust him to form alliances with armies that will win wars?

So now, what was seemingly a petty sports bracket, becomes dangerous news for our great nation.

Soon, the Obama might decide that we, as one of the most powerful nations on earth, might become allies with all the wrong people.

Through a series of double-crosses, sneaky espionage, and other almost cartoonish events, the United States might find themselves betrayed into the hands of their biggest enemies.

Now, I know this is quite a hasty presumption, but we can't be too careful these days.

I mean, we know what happened when Truman was upset about not picking Ohio to win the NFL Championship.....



- Blue Rose


P.S. Listen, Before you get your "stop making fun of Obama" Panties in a bunch, let me acknowledge this is a parody. I'm making fun of the fact that major news outlets are doing tons of stories about things like Obama's NCAA bracket when there are clearly much more important things going on. Thanks

Rule of Cool: the Just Cause 2 demo

By Reach For The Sky

Rule of Cool: The limit of the Willing Suspension Of Disbelief for a given element is directly proportional to its degree of coolness.

Put simply, when item A is awesome, the average observer doesn't mind if things get a little ridiculous. In this case, item A is the Just Cause 2 demo, now available on Steam, and it is completely awesome. Which is good, because it is also completely ridiculous. First off, this is an example of a good demo. Here's my criteria for the perfect* demo:

-includes tutorial

-shows a good representation of the game

-normal difficulty curve

-healthy amount of content

-plenty of time to explore the demo

I feel it is important to note the AVP demo contained exactly zero of those traits, making it a perfectly terrible demo. But that's another post. JC2 has four, which makes it good. While thirty minutes is a generous amount of time, a timer is a timer, and the demo has too much content for one measly half-hour**. But enough harping for now, I want to tell you what you can expect while you download the demo. That is what you're doing, right?

The tutorial has you blow up explosive barrels and shoot wood targets. Lame. I always base jump off the cliff immediately and get right down to business. Everything after that is an action movie starring you. You have a grappling hook you can use to scale any cliff or building, or snag onto a helicopter. You can tether people to a high pressure gas can, and shoot it so they both fly around like a rapidly deflating balloon. When you want to hijack an enemy vehicle, you jump on the hood, eliminate all the passengers while jumping around the car, and then beat up and throw out the driver like the friggin Transporter (the vehicle is going full speed while you are doing this.) I am quite frankly astounded by all this. The game actually works to make this all seem like something out of a Bruce Willis film. For example, vehicles are incredibly indestructible when you're driving them, but once you bail after a jump, you'll almost always hear an explosion under you. The effect is exhilarating at times.

This makes some of the more...preposterous moments in the game forgivable, if not a little distracting. By spinning a certain way with the parachute out allows for the character to hover forever in place. The game has two distinct falling modes, one keeps you vertical for shorter falls, while the other puts you into skydiver-mode, which brings a level of control similar to that of flying squirrel, making rooftop escapes hilarious at times (the way you fall depends on the distance of the ground immediately under you.) I wasn't digging for bugs when I came across these anomalies, they stand out pretty far. If Halo or (insert preferred generic, yet oddly popular title here) tried to get away with stuff this insane, it would probably result in me giving myself a home-brew lobotomy via a Black & Decker drill. Also, the first (and only) cutscene in the demo was near-vomit-inducing, and the voice acting in general is pretty awful.

In summation, blah blah immersive blah cinematic blah blah thrilling blah. Go play it.

Why am I reviewing a demo anyone can download for free? For one thing it warrants commentary because it's a shining example of an awesome thing in a sea of not-awesome things***. Also the importance of demos is going to go up as wallets tighten. No one is going to shill out $60 bucks for a game that "looks pretty good" anymore. Reviews can't be trusted anymore~. Gamers can only depend on what they play, which means demos and well-off friends that can be mooched off of are in high demand. The latter is becoming short in supply.

"They tell me I am the best"

-Reach

*When I say "perfect" I'm thinking "junior-high essay perfect." the demo could be boring, but as long as it has all the main pieces, it gets a perfect score. The design of the game in question is an entirely different story.

**Yes I'm penalizing the game for having a ton of content. It's its own fault for being so awesome.

***Sue me,I'm getting metaphor-exhausted. Also, triple asterisks! I need to learn how to make that cross thing. Or I could use tildes! ~!

~If you're thinking "this guys a little late to the party isn't he?", know that I'm going to cite that event for the rest of my life. That URL is going on my tombstone.

Rose's Note - The main character in "Just Cause 2" is basically a mixture of Drake (From Drake's Fortune), Duke Nukem, the action hero in "Renegade", and Me and Reach

Cloud Computing

By: Blue Rose

Recently major developers have created a new idea called "Cloud Computing"

The idea is that, instead of installing information on many different computers, the information is stored on a central server somewhere, and people log in to access the data.

Imagine for a moment you own a business. Instead of buying 1000 copies of Microsoft Word, you buy one copy, upload it to your server, and your employees log-in to use it.

The next time you have to install an updated version of the software, all you do is update the one copy you have and it's updated for everyone.

You can see from a business stand-point how this could be a real game changer.

No one has been more avid about embracing it than the Video Game industry.

A couple of the notable companies that have done this are Gamestop, and Steam.

Through the Steam Engine, a free software client, you can buy hit PC games online without going to the store, installing them, and, most importantly paying full price.

Since Steam has no physical product, they have no per-copy expenditures. This allows for a huge fluctuation of prices.

A great example of this happened to me recently. Reach decided he was going to buy a copy of the game Mount and Blade at its release price, $30. I decided the game was to expensive to pay that for, so i waited.

Well, eventually, they had a sale and i ended up getting the game for a whopping $5.

Without the expense of brick and mortar stores, and the expense of the CD, Case, Guide, etc. etc., Steam still made more than enough money to make the sale worth it.

Not only are the games cheaper, and more convenient, they are built into a network only available through cloud computing.

At any point, in any game, i can Voice chat with any one of my friends, or i can bring up a menu that lets me instant message anyone on the steam network.

There's even a tool that, with one click, lets me join any of my friends in any game we both have.

So you can see how cloud computing will be a huge game changer in both the business, and the computing world.

It offers a great alternative to the typical way of software installation, and networking opportunities that could change the way we interact forever.

Reach's note: It was the best $30 I've ever spent! I couldn't have gone two years without Mount&Blade. I would have become a shell.

Mini-Updates

By: Reach For The Sky

Nothing to write a whole post about this week, so here's some little updates to gnaw on.

Some good news for mac users, Steam is working on a platform for digital distribution of games for the mac. For those that don't know, Steam is a digital distribution client for a variety of PC games. While I don't use a mac, I'm excited about this because I love all forms of universal-platform development. Not only are mac versions of games going to be available for many Steam titles, users running windows will be able to download any available mac versions of the games they own for free. Saved games can also be transferred across platforms, which is awesome. The first game valve is releasing on both platforms at the same time is going to be Portal 2. Hey that reminds me...

Portal 2! I loved the first game, and if you haven't played it, I would advise getting the free demo on steam, and then driving nails into your head for missing out on this masterpiece. Shame on you. I am, however, naturally weary of sequels. Am I going to seriously contemplate whether or not to buy this game? Yes. Am I going to ignore that decision and buy it anyway? Double yes. I think at this point I can trust Valve with sequels. Although adding co-op to Portal seems a bit like adding zombies to Harvest Moon. Hey that reminds me...

Right now the popular iphone app at school is zombie farm. It's pretty fun actually. You grow crops to get money. You spend money to grow zombies. Then you send your zombie army to go ruin someone else's zombie army. It fills a perfect niche, giving guys an excuse to play a farming simulator without seeming like pansies. It's pay system is quite unique, allowing players to pay for higher level equipment with real money rather than spend the time earning it. The game itself is free, and all necessary items can be earned through the game, but can be accessed earlier than normal with in-game purchases. The paying crowd get their fix, the average player can still get what they need with a little extra effort. It's not like combining gardening with zombies hasn't proven itself a winning formula.

Unrelated note: You think you've seen everything, then you see a women telemark skiing in a bikini. Spring break is wild.

The Real Conflict In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

The Real Conflict in The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

By: Blue Rose

If you are between the ages of 10 and 20, and haven't ever played Ocarina of Time, you're probably living under rock. The game was released in 1998 to high critical acclaim, with perfect review scores in Gamespot, IGN, and Electronic Gaming Monthly. The game sold around 7.6 million copies worldwide.

While the game is one of the best known in the industry, many might not know what the actual conflict is about:

Link's sexuality.

As the first game in the Cannon of The Legend of Zelda Series, the game becomes about Link defining himself, especially with regard to his gender roles, and his sexuality.

Now, I could bore you with random speculations about, physical manifestation of Link's conflicting sexuality, and over-analyzations of the stories major characters.....so I think I will.


MAIN CONFLICT OF THE STORY

Link's main adversary in the game is Ganondorf. Born into the Gerudo tribe, Ganondorf is the only male to be born to the Gerudos in 100 years.

Ganondorf represents Link's homosexuality, and his affinity toward cross-dressing. Link constantly battles with both Ganondorf, and curses Ganandorf has placed upon certain people. These curses represent bridges burned by Link's flamboyant sexuality, and the conflicts and battles represent the emotional road-bumps he and his friends/family had to overcome to come to a place of peace.

CHARACTER ANALYSIS

Ganondorf - The Great King of Evil

Ganandorf's character includes a cartoonish masculinity, coupled with some very feminine features. His costume is very ornate, he appears to be wearing some sort of make-up, and his flaming red hair (no pun intended) appears to be styled in a way that takes WAY too much effort for the abilities of hair products in feudal farm life.

Ganondorf's main goal in Ocarina of Time is to conquer the entire world. This goal represents the inner-sexual conflict in Link, by showing how his homosexuality wants to overtake him completely, even though he clings to his heterosexuality.

ZeldaPedia describes Ganondorf as "... one of the most powerful characters in the series". Ganondorf, in Ocarina of Time, is shown to have literally supernatural powers over the lands of Hyrule, which shows just how strong of a hold Link's homosexuality has on him in this game

Zelda - Sheik

Zelda appears as yet another guide in Link's life to help him through his conflict. She, in order to escape Ganondorf, dresses as a male to disguise herself. Zelda understands what Link is going through as far as blurring the lines between masculinity and femininity, and how he feels he may be losing his identity if he doesn't embrace what his society dictates as his gender role. So, Zelda appears at different times in the game to help Link through his journey.

Link - The Kokirian Hero

Born a Hyrulian, Link is abandoned by his mother in the Kokiri Forest and found by Saria. He is raised there, without a father, and becomes an outcast from the other children.

Link's lack of a male role model is a huge contributor to his questions about his masculinity, and the fact that he is essentially the male of the household forces him to hold on that masculinity as tightly as he can in order to be strong for his mother.

Link is contrasting from the other Kokiri both physically, and socially. He is seen as an "Outsider" his entire life, and grows up with many unanswered questions.

These questions begin to manifest themselves more and more as he gets older in a few ways.

As link grows into an adult, he dons a pair of tights; a garment which none of the other Kokiri wear, His ear becomes pierced, and his feminine elvish features become much more defined.

Navi - Link's Companion

Navi is Link's primary guide throughout his journey. Navi follows him everywhere helping him overcome every challenge.

She constantly points out the weak-spot in Link's foes, telling him how to overcome the different facets of his sexuality he struggles with.*

Din, Farore, and Nayru - The Golden goddesses

The deities of Ocarina of Time are known as "The Golden goddesses". The three female spirits created both the land of Hyrule, and the natural law by which all living things are governed.

The three goddesses show how, in Link's universe, femininity is a very strong force. The three deities each have their own respective personalities that they leave behind in their piece of the Triforce: Din - power, Farore - Courage, and Nayru - Wisdom.

These three personality traits are, in turn, passed on to Link in his struggle to understand his sexuality.

The Trifoce - I know it's not a character

The Triforce is split up into three pieces, and divided among three of the residents of Hyrule: Link, who obtains the Triforce of Courage, Zelda, who obtains the Triforce of Wisdom, and Ganondorf, who obtains the Triforce of power.

The three obtained their pieces of the Triforce when Ganondorf found the Triforce and tried to claim it. The Triforce rejects anyone who's wisdom, courage, and power aren't in perfect balance, and gives them the piece that best represents their person. So, when Ganondorf touched it, he obtained the Triforce of power, and Link and Zelda their respective pieces.

a. Link's Triforce
Link obtained the Triforce of courage, as a representation of the courage he needs to call his sexuality in question. In his society, seemingly no other person has this same conflict, so he must travel this journey alone; requiring great courage.

b. Zelda's Triforce
With the Triforce of wisdom, Zelda is a guide to help Link through his constant struggle. As a cross-dresser herself, Zelda/Sheik understands on some level what Link is going through, so she swoops-in at some key points in his life to help him along the way

c. Ganondorf's Triforce
Ganondorf's Triforce of power once again represents just how much power Link's inner homosexuality has over him. Ganondorf's personality is geared most toward power because Link views his homosexuality as a pseudo-monster with the ability to ruin his entire world.

Malon, Zelda, Ruto - Link's Love Interests

a. Malon








Malon is found at Lon Lon Ranch, and is the one who eventually gives Link his horse: Epona. Malon is the typical, mid-west, "Farmer's Daughter", and is one of the possible romantic interests of Link.

b. Zelda









As the princess of Hyrule, Zelda is the most likely of the candidates for Link's affections, especially since the game is named after her. This likelihood becomes ironic as she becomes one of the main contributors to Link understanding his sexuality.

c. Ruto







(No there's no nudity, she's a fish-person and has no visible reproductive body parts.)

Ruto is the princess of the Zora people. Link enters Jabu Jabu's belly in order to save her. This dungeon represents the hoops that Link is forced to jump through in order to fulfill what society says he must do as far as "courting" a girl.

The three love interests all represent different preconceived ideas Link has about women. Malon, represents how easy and natural heterosexual marriage was said to be in his society. Most of the people in his village would just settle down, get married, maybe have a few kids, but Link's life is in direct conflict with this ideal; he continues to battle and battle his confusing sexuality. Zelda represents the sort of, "Marry as high as you can" ideal established in their society. In the days of a Monarchical society, people of royalty tried to marry as high-up as they could, yet Link can't force himself into a romantic relationship with Zelda. Ruto represents the trials and conflicts of courting. Link literally jumps inside of a giant fish just to go after her. This further damages Link's view of heterosexual relationships

Saria - Link's Mother

Link's mother exudes femininity in this game. In addition to Link being exposed to so much femininity growing up, he sees masculinity as a pain in his mother's life. Since she is single, Link views heterosexual relationships as destructive. Heterosexuality has forced his mother to be alone. Due to her likely disregard for social trends, she ended-up without any gentlemen suitors. She refused to compromise her strong feminist personality and ended up forcing out all sexually viable candidates in her life.

CONCLUSION

Throughout Link's journey, he learns new things about his sexuality, he meets new people that reinforce these views, and he fights out an inner-conflict that forces him to define who he is.

This all builds to a climax in his final battle with his sexuality: his final battle with Ganondorf.

Ganondorf, after being defeated by Link**, only comes back even stronger in his more animalistic form, Ganon. Link's sexuality becomes the monster he has been afraid of this entire time, and he is forced to confront it in an epic battle that puts Gladiator to shame.

Link eventually overcomes this uncertainty, and emerges secure in who he is.

Reminding you to find your voice,

Blue Rose

P.S. i have to thank Zeldapedia for helping me find all this plot information!

P.P.S. If you have any questions or comments, you can now email me at my fan email, bluerose@s-words.org!!!



*Is it a coincidence that Navi is also a fairy? I think not.

**Spoiler Alert

Lost in Transition

By: Reach For The Sky

Well I had my doubts about this show; Back when I was a non-believer, unaware of how great the television phenomenon really is. Lost is a show about...something. I'm not entirely sure at this point. There's definitely an island involved, maybe. And maybe some people? they haven't quite made that entirely clear. The characters on LOST seem to know what's going on, I only wish they would occasionally inform the clueless spectators of the audience. I'm sure ol' J.J. knows best. Sure the writers occasionally forget which characters have already died, and sure they occasionally forget which of his characters are still alive, But I'm confident they'll answer all the 1,472 questions I have before the end of the series; although I wouldn't blame them if they left out the answers for a few of the 213 mysteries created by this season alone. I bet they'll fool every single one of the 23 million LOST theorists out there, and that the outcome will make complete logical sense. I bet the finale will satisfy every single fan, many of whom have a microscope over the story looking for plot-holes and inconsistencies.

In all seriousness, Lost has really been written into a corner. It hasn't explained many of the ever-expanding mysteries behind it, and the final episode is nearing fast. So why is that Lost seems to never answer any of the questions it creates? In reality, it has. Often, a question is raised; Then another. Then question 1 is answered, but nobody cares because everyone is focused on question 2. This continues ad nauseum. Take the polar bears for instance. When the first one showed up in season 1, it did a fair amount of jaw dropping. By the time it was finally explained what they were doing there, there was so much going on no one payed it any mind. Plots get resolved, unnoticed because something new has sprung up in the mean time. This makes it seem like questions are never answered.

As for public opinion, I generally find most either hold the show in extremely high or low regard, unless they simply don't partake. Some people, like myself, are okay with being kept in the dark, content on simply riding the roller coaster. Then there are those who don't like being baffled. Lost exists in its own universe and follows its own set of rules*, making it quite unpredictable at times**, which some simply don't appreciate. Both are understandable, it's simply personal preference. What I never hear are complaints about its presentation. The directing and orchestral score are exemplary, the mythology and setting unique and interesting, and the acting and dialogue...good for a television drama. If you haven't checked it out yet, I would highly advise grabbing the pilot off of iTunes, It says a lot about the show in general. Just be ready for a wild ride.

*You're a loose canon, Lost! I got the mayor breathing down my neck, you're off the case! I'll have your badge for this!!!

**By "at times" I of course mean, "every second of the show"

Obama's Approval Ratings Drop Again

By Reach For The Sky

According to Gallup, President Barack Obama's approval ratings are dropping to record lows. with 44% disapproval, the situation looks pretty grim for Obama as well as the democratic party in general. Some attribute this to his stance on health care reforms, while others think it is because of his apparent inability to get said reforms passed. It might be of note to consider that during this phase of his presidency, George W. Bush's approval ratings were well above 60%. So why is it that America is so unhappy with the president as of late? I believe I have a possible answer.

As Bush's presidency was coming to an end, many Americans were angry. Angry about wars they didn't support, bail-outs they didn't condone, and a declining economic situation to top it all off. As is common in America when situations are particularly bad or good, people blamed the president, sometimes unconsciously. It is the nature of a population to seek out blame when things are going poorly, and often people don't even realize it. One might attribute something the president has nothing to do with towards a failed presidency. He might not be able to make a payment on his car, to afford insurance, or to pay for his daughter's tuition, but how could he with this president. He might not have directly blamed the government for those things, but they were still in the back of his mind when he went to the voting booth. I mean, does he really want 4 more years of this administration? The amassed American population wanted a new party in charge. When things are bad, the masses tend to, sometimes irrationally, demand radical changes be made, possibly without realizing exactly how much power the executive branch has over the problem in question. It didn't help that Obama's campaign seemed to be designed to exploit this trend.

And so Obama was promptly elected. The majority of American citizens, as well as a good portion of the globe, were thrilled. But then something odd happened: Nothing. The poor schmuck from the last paragraph still can't afford his car. Insurance is still unaffordable for some Americans. Gold bars aren't raining from the sky while chocolate roses spring from the fields*, but what did we expect? It isn't like the president can stride into Congress and come out with a few radical economic changes. Obama's campaign promised results the political system simply can not provide. People look at the Executive branch and they see the big boss of the average corporation. Many don't understand how little power it actually has.

I'm not saying that Obama is completely innocent, but he is suffering from what Bush suffered from at the end of his presidency; getting grief for problems he has no control over. If you really want change you can believe in, follow the actions of your senators and representatives instead of the presidential beauty pageant. A competent president is important, but it isn't as beneficial as a well oiled Congress.

*Well what did you expect from his presidency?