3 Craziest Solutions to Solving The Oil Spill

3 Craziest Solutions to Solving The Oil Spill
By: Blue Rose

Our nation has been struck with a rather...interesting crisis recently.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably have heard about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

We here at s-words like to offer-up our recommendations so that the government can make the most informed decision, so, without further ado, here are the solutions ¹ we would recommend.



1. A Giant Bag of Hair



Now, if I haven't proven it already, I do know what you're thinking. And, no, this was not our idea. Matter of Trust has created a program where you can donate hair, both animal and human, to be used to soak up oil from oil spills.

If Americans could just embrace generosity, and shave their heads to help save the gulf, we could put this all behind us. (We like to call this our "Natalie Portman/Britney Spears" Solution).

2. Hay



Since there are only 4 farmers left in the United States, we have an over abundance of hay that we might as well just dump in the ocean. Much like hair, hay will stick to the oil, making it easier to collect.

Utilizing this resource would have multiple positive effects. For one, we could finally get rid of that stupid "nail in a hay-stack" saying. It would also decrease allergens.

This makes hay a fairly viable solution, but it pales in comparison to my personal favorite solution....

3. Just Freaking Nuke It



The Russians have come up with an absolutely beautiful way to deal with these kinds of things. They, in the course of their nation's gorgeous streak of destruction, have found an excuse 5 TIMES to implement underwater nukes to clean-up similar oil related problems.

Now, I could spout some scientific mumbo-jumbo about how the nuke only burns-up the oil while leaving the hydrogen based water perfectly fine, but come on. IT'S A NUKE. Definitely the most B.A. way to take care of a problem, and, more than that, a perfect solution to quelling the accusations that O'bama is a "weak" president.

Reminding you to always find your voice,

- Blue Rose.

¹ http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/24/tech/main6514382.shtml